The Five

There were five of us. Avery, Nolan, Ava, myself, and... Luca. 

 

Avery was 16. He had short spiked up blonde hair, he died the tips of his hair green. He had dark brown, brooding eyes. He was tall, but not really lanky. He was extremely moody. Moodier than the rest of us, even on our worst days. He is special, like the rest of us, he could move anything he wanted with his hands. Sort of force fields blew out of his hands and forced anything to move, or blast open.

 

And yet, even though Avery was the moodiest, he was the best at using his powers. He didn't every use his powers, unless he really needed to, or a friend needed help.

 

Nolan was 15. Ava and he were my protecters. But Nolan, loved me more, and protected me more. He was so handsome. He was tall and muscular. He had longish chocolate hair, with dark chestnut highlights. He had bright green eyes, and he could read and control people's minds and there feelings.

 

Ava was 15, as well. She was tall and skinny, and extremely gracefull. Everyone stops to watched her as she walked by.  She was just georgeus. She had a short black hair in a pixie cut, and the tips of her hair was purple. She always wore tons of thick black eyeliner and she had a diamond nose stud. Her startling bright blues eyes were beautiful, and also dark. Her facial features were like a models. High cheek bones, small ski slope nose, perfect. We are all special, and she is no exceptions. She is ice. She can freeze anything she wants whenever she wants. Her skin is cold to the touch, and sometimes I think she froze her own soul too, froze it solid.

 

I was fourteen. My name is Jade. I am short and skinny. I was know as the nice girl. The girl that everyone trusted and everyone adored. I would never hurt  a fly, and I was never mean or negative. I always had a positive look on life, and I could always get someone to talk to me. My eyes are hazel, and they used to light up whenever I talked to someone. I had longish short hair, just past my shoulders, and was wavy/curly. My hair was a light brown, with a golden brown and light chestnut highlights. I am fire. My whole body is a few degrees warmer than the rest of the human population, but my hands are always on fire. I am like Ava, but the oppposite. Sometimes, Ava and I would hold hands or hug, just so we could balance each other out.

 

But Luca. Luca was the most special. He was the one everyone wanted to be with, or you wanted him to like you. He was by far the handsomest man I had ever laid my eyes on. He was 17, and he was really smart, he skipped a grade. You couldn't not like him. His dirty blonde skater hair cut, and his dark gray eyes. He was the hottest guy alive, that we knew of. His eyes were always light and happy. You could always see a smart remark learking in his eyes. He used some connections to find us, other specials. He was a charmer. He could charm you just by looking at you. The other power is that he can shape shift. He could turn into me or you, or maybe, even a tree.

 

Luca was our leader. And we were all special. We were The Five.

Author's Note

Ignore grammer and spelling problems. What do you think about the Bloodlust so far? I want your reviews, but if you are just going to nit pick every little spelling mistake or any other little thing, then I don't want your review. Thanks.

*I reviesed it, trying ot take un-needed details out, and make it less boring, if you see any other details that you think could be deleated, please let me know. Thanks :)

Reviews

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

Honestly, I didn't think that beginning the story with detailed descriptions of each character was the most captivating way to start it. I lost interest after reading about Avery and noticing that the rest of the chapter was all along the same lines. This seems like it has the potential to be a really intriguing story, but this opener doesn't drag me in. I know you don't want to hear about the spelling and grammar, but it was also frustrating to have to pause and figure out what you intended to say. Sorry if that was blunt--if you make some changes, I do think this would be a story that I'd really enjoy.

[Vanessa Rico]

I really enjoyed the beginning of this story...and it is actually something that I would consider to buy in a bookstore. This is my type of genre and I love reading it! I love the descriptions of the characters and how they all connected to each other...and you made me fall in love with Luca as I suspect Jade is as well. I know you dont want any grammar advice, so I wont give it to you...however, if you do want to publish this, I would not mind helping you edit. Just let me know. Anyway, I am loving this story so far, and I will be reading more! This is going into my library for sure!

[Short.Nerd]

I like how you started off describing the characters. This was an amazing start:) Can't wait to read more.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you for the description of the main characters. Always make the story stronger when you know some history. I will keep reading. Thank you.
Coyote

[Cynthia]

It's really interesting! That's so attractive by how you describe the characters, its all so real and we can imagine them in minds! Sure a great opening for such a attractive story! I will go and read the next chapter! You really do caught my attention!

Overall, I love it real much, its the description which caught readers attention! I look forward to read the next chapter!

[halflives]

A very good opener. Almost like a prolouge. I'm interested to see what happens next ;)

[~Lizzy♬]

Oh, this opener is really detailed. I could picture the characters into my mind. Plus, it's in first person point of view :)

~Lizzard~

[Patches I'm not so new..]

Ok I won't "nit-pick', not that I'm the grammar/spelling police I'm not However if you ever hope to be published than I urge you consider taking English and spelling classes.
the story thus far is good, I realize that this is just the opening but you hold the reader's intrest. I want to read more the "picture" you have presented makes the reader wnat to get to know these characters better IMO great beginning!

[Willow]

Luca eh? Might you be a fellow Otaku? Regardless, you're writing is interesting, though I personally dislike detailed physical descriptions, it works well enough in this case. I can easily picture each and every one of your main protagonists, and as is expected, they highlight each other very well psychologically. The leader, the followers, and the protected. A well done representation of classic human relations.