simon hixxenburg and corpral killjoy

simon pisses off the wrong person when out shopping. this is the last story to the series

simon was was shopping for some new skullcandy headphones, in darlington town center. he'd looked around a few shops, and couldn't find any within his budget. he walked down the ally next to pizza hut, and round behind the sports complex, with the idea of stealing some from a helpless scene kid. there was no scenekids about, but there was g.man, his brother biff, and his sister corpral killjoy, standing next to biffs vw polo gt.

simon was going to turn and walk away, but then he seen corpral killjoy had left her bag unattended. sticking out the top of the bag, was a pair of skullcandy headphone, the rasta coloured type. he quietly walked over, no one seen him, and as he was takin the headphones from the bag, a hand grabbed him by the throat. it was borat look alike dave wardel who was on his way to meet the others. 'what the f**k do ya think your doing' said dave which caught the attention of the others. 

dave, g.man and biff stuffed simon into the small boot of the car, while corpral killjoy collected her bag. the 4 of them jumped in the car and began to drive. for the whole 25minute car journey everyone was tortured, by dave telling his over-known, stolen, teriblle jokes, until they arrived at a farm in brompton-on-swale. the car was too low to drive up the old gravel road that was covered in pot holes, so they got simon out of the boot, gave him a few punches, and dragged him up to the farm, and into an old barn. after they tied him to a chair g.man, biff, and dave decided to leave, and let corpral killjoy have her fun.

g.man, biff and dave sat down on a rock smoking lambert's, and listening to more of daves s**t jokes. they smoked and laughed pretending to get the jokes, while corpral killjoy was torturing simon, beyond belief. she beat him with a plank of wood, cut his face up with a rusty razor blade, smashed his knee caps with a hammer, this wasn't all just over a set of headphones, no, this had been planned for nearly a year. her eye's lit up like a child in a candy store, as she attached jump leads from a tractor battery to his n*****s, and watched  him squirm, just like a worm underneath a magnifying glass. his chair fell over and he laid there covered in his sweat and blood, looking up with regretfull eyes, as he seen corpral killjoy holding an old, rusty sickle. she knelt down and looked him in the eyes 'wont be needing these anymore' she said as she pulled down his pants, and slowly cut off his balls and his magot sized dick. she shoved them down his throat in an attempt to choke him, but even all together they were to small, and he swollowed them hole.

corpral killjoy joind the others and they left him, bled to death, on the dirty floor of the of the barn. they returned to the car, and once back in darlington they celebrated, with jagermiester, wiskey and fosters. simons corpse was found the next day by the farmer, not wanting the publicity he simply hacked up the body, and simon became pig feed.

EnD

Author's Note

for those who don't know, a sickle is a hand-held agricultural tool with a variously curved blade, typically used for harvesting grain, crops, or cutting succulent forage chiefly for feeding livestock (either freshly cut or dried as hay). it can also be used as a great weapon.