Crazy town

There are times... crazy times.. :)

Crazy town, crazy s**t
Boring, homeless in a kit
Taste of fun into my mouth
Traveling fast, traveling south

Looking around for a soul
Only rats into my zone
Taste of grace into my mouth
Traveling fast, traveling south


Look at me
I’m a star
Are you jealous?
Yes you are

Eat my trace
I’m so far
As I told you
I’m a star

Here’s nice but where am i?
I need a drink and eat a pie
Taste of fight into my mouth
I should have paid, running south

Running, running, running fast
Back to town back to past
Crazy town, crazy s**t
Boring, homeless in a kit

Reviews

[zainul]

Awesome!

[Crazy Cat Man]

i love this piece........it reminds of a delusional loner living in a big city who just wants things givin to them. like they are entitled to the world. but they have to realized they have to work and earn their place. great piece

[R J Askew]

It's all out there, happening. Some winning, more losing. Most not quiet achieving either.

[Ama May Cooper]

I found this interesting although i didn't understand it. The lines flowed very rythmatically and smoothly and the story although lost on me seems to be based on interesting ideas.

[bitstring]

Funny, very rhythmic, and simple enough to provoke happy feelings. Not bad :)

[J. J. Nightingale]

The English could use a little touch up .. but that aside, I Like .. It tells a story, of just being out there .. .. It is crazy, and a real rat race ... if you live through the day, you are lucky ...

J. :)

[pihkal]

I love this! very nice. I want to go south too! :)

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I say keep traveling south...it's a good direction! (laughing) This comes from a southerner from North Carolina. I like to tell everyone I'm a just a hillbilly like Thomas Wolfe...(smile) This was simple and fun...and kind of crazy...which I believe was the feeling it was intended to invoke. The purpose to writing I believe is to invoke in our readers the same emotion that drove the creation of our art. If my assessment is accurate, then this served its purpose well. Pay no attention to naysayers...keep writing if its something you enjoy...there are very few who make a living writing and none who make a living writing poetry! As Robert Frost once observed, " Being a poet is a condition; NOT an occupation." Bless.

[JohnnyMagrinho]

This poem sounds like you don't fully understand English, as if it's a second language to you. It seems broken and misunderstand, and quite frankly in some places a bit strange.

"Taste of fun into my mouth." That does not convey the imagery you think it does, and its connotations are a bit, shall we say, probably not what you had in mind...

I don't fully understand the purpose of the poem and it just seems like you threw a few ideas together on a whim without really thinking about it. Like I said, the English reads poorly - as if it is not your first language - and the content is narcissistic without being good enough to justify you alleviating yourself above others in a similar situation.

The main imagery I got was of a small gypsy child at a travelling circus, wandering around the big rides and stalls by herself while her mum and dad are lost in amongst the other fare goers. It made me a think a bit of Hanna - the film - but only because of the notion that this little girl is more mature than she should be, and the content was very, very strange and probably poorly construed.

I don't think it's as good as what people have reviewed it to be, and that's just ridiculous. People should tell you what your shortcomings are because to be honest you have a lot to work on in terms of getting across your idea clearly and using English properly, as opposed to using the language incorrectly without being creatively unique/effective.

"I need a drink and eat a pie" it just doesn't make sense artistically or literally. That sounds like a Russian girl saying she is hungry to some rich businessman in London.

I don't get what you've done here and it seems very, very rushed. A hurried attempt, I'd say.

[J. F. Charleston]

This work is just for enjoyment not for a big career thing. Some people on here are just doing something that they like. I'm just saying that some people do infact know english. This isn't ment to be taken seriously and some of it is metaphorical.

[JohnnyMagrinho]

It's not down to opinion whether or not you understand syntax of a language as it's pretty evident in whatever you write. That defines whether or not you are indeed a writer at all. How is it any different from me trying to write in Romanian if I only know the language colloquially?

You chose to publish it on here and you chose to say "I am a writer; I am writing this for you all to read and crtique."

Take a bit of responsibility. It's never anybody's fault, is it?

People on this site really do need to stop being so emotionally immature and needy. It's like the majority of you are all seeking attention and plaudits for such rudimentary exploits; as if so many of you had unsupporting parents growing up that you constantly seek the gratification of others.

I'll learn basic Romanian and then write a short story using poor Romanian grammar and spelling and you can tell me what you think. If you say it's good then that definitely says a lot about your standards.

[J. F. Charleston]

My standars are none of your concern and neither is my responsiblities. I have both high standars and responsibility. I don't need to learn Romanian or read it. And you don't need a degree for writing anything. Try telling this to a 5 year old who just wrote something. And another thing, YOU NEED TO STOP JUDGING OTHERS! My parents were very supportive along with my siblings. I'm sure you didn't have any because you're just doing what you think would catch their attention. And no one is emotionally immature, you are. I can so tell. Picking at everyones little mistakes. That is not what people like in people. And there's no reason to learn a language to get the best out of someone across the world. I'm thinking that maybe you're just trying to feel greater than every other person. Guess what you're wrong. There is over 3 billion people on the planet. You're not perfect, even if you think you are.
If you don't have anything good to say, then just shut-up.