The concept of god being a kid and your narrator being a toy is great, I can see why you repeated it as a refrain. The reader is left to fill in the image for themselves, i.e. what kind of kid...destructive? cruel? happy and sweet?
Wasn't sure about the meaning of "my hand that tights", read to me like the rhyme scheme messed with your semantics. Were you trying to convey that your narrator's hand is the one that tightens the rope - or that their hands are tied tightly?
The final two lines felt like they came out of nowhere, but maybe that was the idea, for deliberate dramatic impact(?) Interesting how matter-of-factly the questions are expressed...
Thanks for your message, I appreciate you reading my work. But the site generally operates through a review system, people exchanging reviews openly - otherwise a lot of people lose out on chances to be read :)
This isn't bad but there were one or two lines that don't really make scence like: "You are the rope, my hands that tights". Also in the last stanza I don't think the last two lines really fit. I'd also say to change the line "cheat my own eyes but not my mind" by putting in some punctuation maybe "cheat my own eyes; but not my mind" or "cheat my own eyes, but not my mind".... I don't know just something to split it up a bit 'cause then it'll fit a bit better with the structure you've used here.
Hi, i am here to read mostly and less to share.
I am not such a great writer myself, but I enjoy reading a lot!
Globy
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