a slice of marble cake

february a year ago

 

I had an inkling

 

saw flashes of me

 

a year later

 

eating marble cake 

 

in the retirement home

 

a table

 

winter outdoors

 

grandmother

 

aunt

 

twinsister

 

mother

 

father

 

sitting around it

 

wondering about

 

the image in my head

 

while trying to eat

 

a slice of marble cake myself

 

once hated

 

now just a means of necessity

 

crouched over the table

 

of room 109

 

in the intensive psychiatric care unit

 

haven’t eaten properly

 

cause of depression

 

eating seemed to much effort

 

gives a picture

 

of the darkness I was in then

 

with greasy fingers

 

trying to open the foil

 

the thick slice of marble cake was wrapped in

 

graduated from the milky liquid

 

used for malnutrition 

 

upsetting my stomach

 

as a lactose-intolerant

 

I gathered all my strength

 

and put a piece of greasy marble cake

 

into my mouth

 

my mind flashing forward

 

to a cold Sunday

 

in a retirement home

 

a year later