Pill bottles and feelings

Drawn from the fact I need to take medication for my anxiety which my dad does like the fact I need to rely on drugs plus my sister called me crazy and it hurt.

Idly this bottle became my friend and my last chance of luck. 
White satin pills
Ease my pain
Take my feeling away
Make me a better actor

You don’t like the fact I rely on these pills
But you didn’t like me before 
You didn’t want to admit I was crazy 

That I’m “f*****g insane” in your words. 
I apologize for wanted to get close without knowing you’d blame my saving pills for that. No conversation

Did you always think I was crazy?
Younger than you and just wanted to talk to you?
Blame me for your anger. 
Use me to fuel your rage
And let it blow up on me. 

I haven’t touched anything and I’m back at square one

Author's Note

Its very personal and has a lot of hidden feelings but I hope you enjoy

Reviews

[Davidgeo]

Medication is rarely the real problem. How we allow the world around us to affect us is usually the culprit, we get to choose what makes us feel for better or worse (unless you' can't process reality and are batshit crazy to the point of institutionalization). You must always do what makes you feel happiest at the end of the day. No one else will be there; we have to do what makes us feel comfortable in our own skin. If a pill can bring you that comfort without ruining your body or mind... by all means take it. Besides that, I've found that dealing with judgmental family members is best handled with humor... and if they can't take a joke they're probably genuine a******s that won't be there in end anyway. Blood is not as thick as we'd like it to be sometimes.

technical note: there's a little mistake, third stanza, second line (wanted should probably be wanting)

[Lydia Waldock]

Thank you!!!

[Gee]

I have a few close friends who need medication to keep them balanced and functioning at a level that is deemed " acceptable". This isn't a life choice, they didn't ask their body to f**k up, so it's accepted, as are their ups and downs.
Stay strong Lydia

[Lydia Waldock]

Thank you this really means a lot as I;m struggling with knowing who I am with meds

[Wesley Dingler]

I love the line where you acknowledge that the pills only make you a better actress. i.e. they are a patch, not a permanent fix.
As far as the poetry of it, I love the confessional nature of the piece. And to answer the question, yes, they probably always thought you were a wee crazy. But don't feel too bad over it, my friend. Two people have considered that I need professional help just today.

")

Good work, Lydia.

[Lydia Waldock]

Thank you very much for your comment!! it doesnt make me upset but there is some personal stuff behind it and I needed to vent. :) we all need help

[Wesley Dingler]

So we do. I'll drink to that.
Cheers!

[Lydia Waldock]

As I am drunk right now. Cheers!

[Wesley Dingler]

Me too, homie. I'm a malt liquor enthusiast.
Turn up.
Let the rhymes flow.