From Perch Above

The condor wraps his prey so tight

capturing quickly in mid-flight

talons piercing flesh and bone

nothing left when left alone

Reviews

[Aley]

Hello Botania,

I think this poem has a really good grasp of line, word choice, usage, and the idea of a moment in time. That being said I have a couple improvements I can recommend. While I like the word play of "nothing left when left alone" I don't really think the line fits with the poem as it is. The condor has prey, so he's not alone. I mean, not only is there prey around, but condors are usually in nature, and nature is never alone, not really. There are bugs, and other preythings, and birds, and mycobacteria and a whole ecosystem anywhere you go. That being said, condors don't eat only when they're alone. It's a cute line, but it undermines the power of the last lines and I think you should change it a little. Say what you really mean here, not what's cute. I think that'll help improve the poem a good deal. I think what you really mean is that there's nothing wasted when undisturbed. Maybe not, I'm not sure. That's just a thought.

[Botania]

Actually a thinly disguised commentary on relationships. I know, cryptic and hidden meaning. Thanks for reviewing.