I had a sudden inspiration from this song.
I might take away the dialogue at the beginning.
The left side is the boy talking, and the right side is the girl talking.
**Please leave constructive feedback. This is literally my first love poem**
My Review
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I like the dual affliction here that this piece sends to the reader....myriad thoughts structured so well! This is amzing work...it shows the diversity of thought but how much it really connects, common ground is there, just not often seen! Sensational work xx
Great read. As previously said it is very sad. It had the feeling of a let down, or let go. Maybe even a goodbye piece. You portrayed a clear message, and the emotions came through well. Could easily be taken into many different directions depending on how you want the story to end. Good stuff.
It has such a sad undertone running through it, perhaps it's just the romantic in me, wanting always the happy ending, to reach up and grab the fairytale to make it real, to believe in happy ever endings *sigh*
But your poem is more realistic, more synical more real, and for one so young it's exceptional :O)
There is such a gently sad melody flowing here.. that sense of saying goodbye... of letting go though clinging tight.. It hurt to read.. Maybe I dont want anyone to ever say farewell...
WOW, i dont even know how to describe this poem. it was amazing. Well done! i absolutely thought this poem was diffrent but utterly breathe taking. Great Job! :)
17, competitive dancer, musician, runner, general dork.
I used to post a lot a few years ago, and I've found some interest again through a poetry class I am taking at school. Looking forward to pos.. more..