I left you hanging dear diary and in one of those breath-taking moments in the movie where you know that finally the two best friends realize they were made to be so much more but you'll have to forgive me especially once you come to find out that precisely the same day that I may have found my happiness, it was also stripped from me before even being able to completely enjoyed it, much less figure out what the hell it meant to begin with.
During that final kiss between Abigail and I, the soft sound of the introduction to the famous Harry Potter films began playing through my cell phone that was lying on the kitchen table. I would have ignored it if I didn't fear the reaction my mother would have if I didn't pick up. She'd probably call the cops thinking I'd been kidnapped or something worse...come to find out the worst was answering the phone.
"Did you hear me sweetie?" I certainly heard what she had said but it wasn't registering or at least my brain wasn't trying to register the horrid information it was being fed.
"I...” Frozen stiff, suddenly my eyes began to water. Abigail walked over to me and noticed. She mouthed, "What's wrong?" and that's when I broke down, a flood of tears streaming down my face. I didn't even care about saying goodbye, I hung up the phone and fell into Abigail's open arms and sobbed, loudly. "They're...m-making me move!"
This, boys and girls is how you turn an angst teen into a depressed, isolated angst teen. I didn't know what I was going to do but I knew for certain that I didn't want to move a thousand miles away from my best fri-, wait...lover? Either way, I was in a period of my life full of confusion and I wanted answers but I certainly couldn't give them by packing my bags and moving to the east coast. But this is how my life had always gone and this will how it'll always be. I wanted to cuss, scream and throw a tantrum like a toddler in the middle of the candy aisle at the grocery store because my mother insisted that chocolate wasn't a healthy snack.
"It'll be okay...” Abigail was usually incredibly amazing at cheering me up, comforting me in a time of need and yet, she seemed as distraught as I was and even she didn't believe the words that she was whispering into my ear as she held me close.
My phone bleeped and I looked down at the text my mother had sent stating that I needed to return home today to begin packing. Apparently my father left on a plane tomorrow morning and that we'd have a couple days to pack before our own flight. Not only had my weekend been crashed and completely ruined but I was about to be ripped away from the only life I have ever known, a life I was barely living and finally when something incredible happens to me in this sad, lonely life...it's also taken from under me. I knew from this moment forward that it only meant one thing, I'd never be happy and this was what my life was going to look like until the day that death decided he wanted to take me to my eternal paradise (which probably sucks equally as bad as this one).
I walked into a house full of chaos and plenty of tears, mostly from Bryan's girlfriend, Beth whom continued to sob over and over, "You can't go, you can't go...you can't!" Bryan didn't seem as concerned as she did and it brought me back to that saying, "it's not cheating in a different area code" which is what he and his football buddies live by. I imagine Bryan isn't upset because with this new living situation he could have the cow and the milk, too. (Or whatever that other stupid saying is!) He could a committed, long distance relationship with Beth (a potential wife and mother of his children, God forbid he ever procreated), and behind her back he could carelessly enjoy his remaining years as a "single man" banging bimbo after bimbo.
Bryan is just one of the many reasons that I have steered clear of the male population, they seemed to be filthy animals with only a single thought in mind and it was a thought that I never had the nerve to even say out loud without turning a tomato red. The last thing I ever wanted in life was to be another one of some guy’s box o' dozen donuts, if you know what I mean. Beth was oblivious to her boyfriend's sickening desires and her cries were giving me a headache, so I walked right into the house, past the chaos, packed boxes and headed straight for my bedroom. I fell onto my bed, unable to even think about the idea of packing and let myself cry, silently.
Abigail and I made a promise to each other that we'd save our tears for the moment in which we were hugging goodbye but as you see, I've failed to keep that promise.
I should have known to lock my door before pouring my heart out onto my pillow because as soon as the tears fell, my door swung open and in waltzed my mother. "Darling, how was your weekend?" She didn't stop to let me answer nor did she notice that my heart was crushing under all of this mass confusion and depression that was my life. "I sure hope you had a good time because I know you'll miss Abigail but luckily you've got a good spirit and be able to make friends in no time...", at this point I stopped listening because she clearly was in denial of not only the truth about her daughter but the fact that she had only a few days ago been worried that I was an anti-social loser.
Why did it feel that I was trapped in hell? I must really be gay because I could feel the flames surrounding me or maybe it was just my temper flaring, who really knew. I just knew one thing for sure and that was that my life was over and that I hated my parents more than I could have ever before. Once she was done with her rambling nonsense, I caught her say, "Whelp, it's back to packing. I've got several boxes over there for you..." and I decided to stop listening again. However, I took her advice on packing because I knew the faster I packed, the more free time I had to spend with Abigail before our lives were ripped apart, forever.
I wanted to spend the rest of my time with her before moving on to my next destination. Even though I'm not so sure that destination is the right word for it tough, more like doom.
"my whole life, they are filthy" Change the comma to a period.
"next box of dozen dough nuts" I like this. Very original and funny.
"had already ruin" Should be "ruined
"Brian is more than" You switched into spelling his name with an I instead of a Y
"to finally rid of her" Should either be "Finally be rid of her" or "finally get rid of her"
"I laughed at this comment, finding it humorous that she said a*s load about her breast size." I don't like this one so much. You shouldn't ever have to explain your jokes, and it doesn't sound like a teenaged girl wrote it. MAybe because of the word "humorous"
"looking at things in a new life" I think you meant "in a new light"
"I had noticed" Take out the had, since it's taking place after leaving the room.
"though, more like doom" Break these up into two different sentences. Another good ending to this chapter. I liked the chapter for the most part, but the dialogue seemed a little forced and unrealistic, not much like two teenagers talking. But I got her sadness about leaving, though I do think you could push it a little more. I know she's the most mature out of her siblings, but if she is sad about moving, I think she would be a little less cooperative about it. I like the contrasts between her and her sister, though, and that they don't fight all the time. So far, so good. One note...maybe you could add in a little about her wondering what her family would think about her kissing Abigail and liking it. That seems like something she would have on her mind (it was definitely on my mind when I was a teenager and I kissed my first girl). Just a suggestion.
Thanks for the help with the mistakes, as usual I appreciate a helping hand. You are most definitely.. read moreThanks for the help with the mistakes, as usual I appreciate a helping hand. You are most definitely right about the kiss, it slipped my mind to consider adding in her nervousness around her family for fear that "they knew", even though no one had a clue and was too busy with the move to worry about what Tabby has or has not done. I guess I overlooked the thought because Tabby is used to being overlooked by her family and is the anti-social child that tries to keep away from her siblings but I will definitely see what I can do to work it in there. Because like I said, you are right!
I found this book again and I want to read more! please continue this story!
There are a few minor errors that I think everyone else has mentioned. Anyway, tonally, this is brilliant, and like I said, I want to read more!
Thanks girl, that truly means a lot to me. I have not been on this site in forever but I'd be willi.. read moreThanks girl, that truly means a lot to me. I have not been on this site in forever but I'd be willing to finish this story for a fan. :)
A difficult time for the young lady. Hard to leave a home and start a new journey. I did like the ending of this chapter. I'm not a fan of goodbyes. Leave permanent picture on the mind and heart. A excellent chapter.
Coyote
"my whole life, they are filthy" Change the comma to a period.
"next box of dozen dough nuts" I like this. Very original and funny.
"had already ruin" Should be "ruined
"Brian is more than" You switched into spelling his name with an I instead of a Y
"to finally rid of her" Should either be "Finally be rid of her" or "finally get rid of her"
"I laughed at this comment, finding it humorous that she said a*s load about her breast size." I don't like this one so much. You shouldn't ever have to explain your jokes, and it doesn't sound like a teenaged girl wrote it. MAybe because of the word "humorous"
"looking at things in a new life" I think you meant "in a new light"
"I had noticed" Take out the had, since it's taking place after leaving the room.
"though, more like doom" Break these up into two different sentences. Another good ending to this chapter. I liked the chapter for the most part, but the dialogue seemed a little forced and unrealistic, not much like two teenagers talking. But I got her sadness about leaving, though I do think you could push it a little more. I know she's the most mature out of her siblings, but if she is sad about moving, I think she would be a little less cooperative about it. I like the contrasts between her and her sister, though, and that they don't fight all the time. So far, so good. One note...maybe you could add in a little about her wondering what her family would think about her kissing Abigail and liking it. That seems like something she would have on her mind (it was definitely on my mind when I was a teenager and I kissed my first girl). Just a suggestion.
Thanks for the help with the mistakes, as usual I appreciate a helping hand. You are most definitely.. read moreThanks for the help with the mistakes, as usual I appreciate a helping hand. You are most definitely right about the kiss, it slipped my mind to consider adding in her nervousness around her family for fear that "they knew", even though no one had a clue and was too busy with the move to worry about what Tabby has or has not done. I guess I overlooked the thought because Tabby is used to being overlooked by her family and is the anti-social child that tries to keep away from her siblings but I will definitely see what I can do to work it in there. Because like I said, you are right!
The pain of leaving is evident..so is the douchey way everyone tries to make it into an adventure. Its that feeling that nothing is going to be permanent..but its all static and tough to chew on.
Going to do a little change to this chapter, add a little more spice. Got an idea (from above) that.. read moreGoing to do a little change to this chapter, add a little more spice. Got an idea (from above) that I should stick in her worry of what her family would think had they known about her kiss... didn't consider it until now but most definitely think it would be something that would cross her mind. So going to add a little more spice to this one, if it's possible. ;D
I'm an entirely different breed, gladly embracing the fact that I'm an odd ball. I'm a YA writer that's do everything she can to stop procrastinating long enough to complete a novel, in order to self.. more..