Saturday, June 6th

Saturday, June 6th

I woke this morning to sounds and smells of coffee brewing and bacon sizzling; Abigail surely knows how to make me enjoy my early mornings (which I despise otherwise). Coffee is my savior and bacon is my sin. However I was unsure if either were right for this pounding headache and this weak feeling that I had in my gut. I really shouldn't have drank so much last night and most definitely plan to never drink that much ever again (and no, it's not like when the quarterback of the football teams says this, I really mean it), if I ever decide to drink again. 

"Get out of bed T, your breakfast is going to get cold!" The sound of her voice made me smile, I still couldn't shake off last night but I'm hoping that she doesn't recall any of it, at least not the kiss. 

I rolled out of bed and carried my heavy head out of the room and trudged into the kitchen where I plopped on a bar stool and moaned. 

"With a sound like that, I'm guessing you aren't going to enjoy the bacon I've prepared for you." She hands me a plate of toast and opens bottled water. "More bacon for me." She cramped a piece in her mouth, smiling. 

"I don't know how you're eating that right now...” I could barely nibble on the toast that she had made me. Now I remember why I don't drink and why I should probably steer clear of the stuff from now on. Well, this nauseous feeling and the fact that I allowed my best friend to kiss me last night which lead me to thinking thoughts about her that I had never thought about anyone, ever before. 

"Did you sleep well?" 

No, I couldn't stop thinking about you and that kiss. I shook my head. 

Abigail suddenly looked nervous as she walked over to sit next to me, turning to look me in the face. "Tabby?" I looked at her, eyebrows raised. She looked very confused and not confused about her sexuality (as I was), no. I looked away for fear of what she may say, taking a bite of my toast and nodding for her to continue on even though I wasn't at all prepared for what she might say to me. 

"I'm awfully sorry about last night, you know, with the kissing and all?" She paused, asking a question, hoping that I might have forgotten about it. "I hope that I didn't freak you out or anything, I'm not gay." That stung, why did that sting? Was it because of the way she said it or was it because I was disappointed that she wasn't feeling the exact say way that I was? "I just wanted to see what it would be like to kiss you. I know that may not make any sense to you but it was just curiosity, that's all."

My heart cracked and I gripped tightly to my stool, as if I'd fall off. I took a deep breath before nodding, attempting to stay focused on my breakfast but I could still feel her staring at me. 

"It's just that no one loves me like you do and we were talking about how you and I share that type of love that most people won't even fight for. It's not even complicated or hard with us, it's just natural. I thought maybe it was because there was more between us but after kissing you, I realized that there wasn't and I'm sorry for dragging you into all this without even talking it over first. I just had a though and reacted quickly because I was so drunk." I didn't know if I could take much more of her talking, I felt like I was going to be sick and not because of the alcohol either. I was sick to my stomach because she was right; the only problem was that I had felt something that she had not. Does this mean that I am gay? It would make sense as to why I lack the interest in the male's reproductive body part. 

"Tabby?" I could feel her staring at me but I still wasn't able to look up at her. "Are you upset with me?" I could hear the sound of her voice cracking, she was scared that her kissing me had a negative effect on our friendship and my silence was making her assumption into a reality. As hard as it was for me to look up at her, I knew that I had to comfort her. I looked over at her as a single tear fell down her cheek. 

"No, it's not that. I'm not upset with you, it's just..."

Now Abigail was raising her eyebrows and a confused look washed over her face but as soon as it appeared, it was replaced by oh, I didn't even think about that reaction which lead me to turning away from her again. "Oh! Tabby..." I knew that she had finally understood what had been racing through my mind all night long. She reached out, placed her hand on my back and began to comfort me. "Why didn't you tell me how you felt?" 

I looked at her like she was crazy and I shrugged my shoulders at her. I was still unable to find my voice, much less admit that I had enjoyed kissing my best friend that just admitted that for her, it was a mistake. I knew that I had to say something though because the silence was more painful than anything else. "It's not like I have ever felt this way before, it wasn't a secret that I had been hiding from you or anything. If so, then I have also been hiding it from myself because I didn't ever think that I might be gay." As soon as I said it that way, I felt a sharp pain in my chest. I didn't even like that I had said it in such a negative way because was it really a negative thing? "I mean, you are the first person to ever kiss me, it could be nothing. It's not like I really have anything to compare it to, do I?" 

This made her laugh which was an attempt to lighten the mood but it didn't lighten the heavy ache in my heart. I definitely knew now that I was lying to myself and now hiding a secret that I just admitted to not hiding. I definitely had romantic feelings and desires for Abigail but I didn't want to admit that. I'd rather just look confused and uncertain of last night. However, Abigail wasn't buying into my ramblings because she grabbed my face and forced me to look her in the eyes. 

"How did you feel when I kissed you?" 

"I don't know, really..."

"Don't." Before I could ask her, 'Don't what?’ she pulled my face into hers, my lips on her soft, delicate ones. She used her tongue to open up my mouth and there was most certainly no confusion after that, she definitely excited me. She allowed the kiss to continue until I pulled away and even though I could have stayed there forever, I let go to come up for air. I looked into her eyes as she smiled at me and I took the opportunity to lean in and kiss her again, I didn't want to leave her lips. The butterflies flew up out of my gut and into my throat and escaped my lips into a moan. I cannot believe what I am feeling, I cannot believe what I am experiencing and all with a girl that didn't return any of the same feelings, sensations of...lust? Passion? 

I let her go at the thought and suddenly the confusion flooded me all over again. "I'm sorry but it felt so nice." 

Abigail looked as confused as I felt but she wasn't speaking and I was honestly too afraid to ask. Then she leaned into me and kissed me back, much more passionately than before but I quickly pushed her away. "I can't, I can't sit here and continue to kiss you and feel this way..." I trailed off into silence because I had said too much. 

"It's just..." She followed suit on the silence; clearly there was something that she was keeping from me. This was a first for our friendship because both of us were very open with one another, secrets and kept thoughts just occur between the two of us. There was no reason for it so to think that she was attempting to withhold on her words meant one of two things to me. She was either a) fearful of my feelings toward her or b) she was fearful of the feelings that she may have for me. 

"Abigail?" It was a soft whisper and for a moment I was unsure if she even heard me but then she looked up at me and mumbled, "F**k it" before she breathed me in with the most passionate kiss I could have ever came up with even in the most creative parts of my mind. 

Reviews

[Steph's_romantic_myster..]

I like Tabitha and I disagree with trainwreck, She is a b***h when she needs to be and thats that. In fact she is my favorite character in the whole book. Don't change a thing about her..... This story is super awsome, and it keeps growing on me like a fungus I think this one could be your first publcation........

[Coyote Poetry]

A very interesting chapter. Trying to understand emotion is hard when people are not on the same path. I like the feel and the emotion of this chapter. I like the ending. Thank you for the very good chapter.
Coyote

[.shalynn.009.]

"her reaction of last night" Should be "her reaction to last night"

"Abigail suddenly looked nervous before taking a bite of her own bacon then she sighed heavily." This needs to be shortened into two sentences. maybe just make "she sighed heavily" a statement of it's own

"confused about her sexuality as she was confused" this would be less awkward if you said "confused about her sexuality as much as confused..."

"the sound of her footsteps were bringing her towards me" Take out the "were" to make it work with the rest of the sentence.

"she had read my thoughts then she grabbed my hand" Did you mean "when she grabbed my hand"?

Back to this little gem of a story. I love the ending of this chapter. And I'm glad you went back to the vacation, but it turned out great. I had a little problem with the dialogue (I think you should use contractions a little more when Abigail talks. She can have a style of speaking in which she doesn't contract certain words, but if you do it too often, it comes out as awkward and unnatural.) Other than that...I was too caught up in the story to notice any other problems. Good job and I will definitely keep reading to see how things play out for Tabitha.

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer]

Thank you for the advice, as always. Going back to this story to not only work on completing it but also doing some editing/revisions as well so can take all the advice and help I can get and always appreciate yours. Hope that you will continue to keep in touch with the life of Tabby because it's the story that's been stuck in my head for years and years, it's about time I complete her story and share it with the world...

[hannajade]

yes I am defaintly interested in reading more! no grammar problems that I saw from just reading it, :)

[E.H. Monroe]

Coffee and bacon..you allow the author to share in the waking up and instantly get hit in the senses.
Butterflies attacked my gut..beautiful
BOOM..kissing girls..this just got naughty. You managed to recount one of the natural occurrences during sleepovers and not glorify the sex..but the aftermath. Excellent
"Mm hm?" I continued to keep my eyes locked onto my plate.-that’s d****e chills..that feeling of death by looking up and acknowledging the surroundings
Not only is she leaving, but leaving the heart as well.
This was painful..just when you thought it couldn’t get more sad you reinvented the word. And then to toss out a hammer at the end like “never finding love”..well that’s right in my alley.
Alacazam lady..nice work

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer]

I do not know what I'd do without your reviews, you build my confidence far beyond what anyone else could ever do. So grateful for your existence. Not to mention your writing because it proves to me that I can conquer my dreams, nothing can stand in my way - just be me, write and there will be someone to enjoy.

[trainwreck]

It was a very good choice to keep this going. Anyway, Abigail is a very sweet person. Tabitha is a strong character, but I think it might be a good idea to either tone her down just a very little bit or make her sarcasm come across stronger, because she can be a bit grating at times. However, its still a good story, and I'm still interested. I want to see where this goes next.

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer]

Tabitha will come around, right now she is growing into herself so she isn't a very pleasant person to be around. Abigail is proof that Tabby isn't all bad though... so right now, I can't tone her down because she is sixteen and thinks the "world is going to end" because of her troubles. Like most teenagers that aren't popular or cool think. And to, being dramatic is something I do well... so yeah, LOL. But you know I always take into consideration your thoughts.

[trainwreck]

Thank you for the response! I'm hoping I have time to write on here soon. Right now I'm writing a musical for playwriting class at school, so that's taking all my creative energy.

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer]

Oh that sounds like a lot of fun! You'll have to tell me all about it - if you find some time! But glad you still come on here every once in a while because I do enjoy your writing and your friendship.

[trainwreck]

Definitely! Anytime you feel like looking at poetry, feel free to check mine out. :D

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer]

Not the biggest fan of poetry and prefer short stories or books but if I find time, I'll definitely check it out.

[trainwreck]

Sweet. Thank you. :)

[Lindsey]

This is really good. I love how this part went!

[Midnight_Mystery]

awesome! story just keeps pulling me in. great job! kudos =)

[diannesam]

I'm horrible at long reivews! well, I am interested in reading more! I like the thought processes of Tabby. And I love the discriptions of the feelings you use. I'd love to see where Tabby and Abigail end up.

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-Greer]

I haven't work on this story in a while but have had some inspiration lately and plan to focus on editing the chapters I do have and do my best to continue with the work. Hopefully you'll still be able to enjoy the story because no matter how many ups or downs the story holds, there is a happy ending. I can assure you.