I was nearly asleep when Annie spoke. “Are you able to explain what happened now?”
Annie never pressures me, after dinner we did homework then laid down in bed with the stereo on and me silently whimpering. She waited until she felt that I was capable of speaking out loud before she ever asked anything of me.
“I think so, but it’s hard to explain. I mean, it’s difficult for me to say and it hurts me to even think about it.”
“I’ll be patient with you Ray, just take your time. You know I won’t judge you.”
I took a deep breath and pictured Tristan walking out of my house with his head down; he never spoke a word the entire time he was at my house. I should have known, after all he is autistic and I did this to him.
“I ditched Tristan at school the other day so I could walk home alone, with you. I didn’t want to play babysitter, but I didn’t think my plan out thoroughly. I just ran away from him when he found me in front corridor and left him alone. I didn’t call Raine and ask her to come get him or anything. I just… ran away.” I started crying as soon as I was done and Annie was quiet for a moment. I assume she was looking for the right words to help heal me from my pain.
“It’ll be alright Ray, he’ll forget and forgive you, I just know he will. He loves you.”
Tristan loves me. Will he truly forget and forgive though?
“Speaking of loooooove.” Annie jabbed me in the side, I knew she was attempting to change the subject quickly so I’d take my mind off of something I could no longer control at this point. “Are you going to call Jakob?”
I took this as a moment to forget my misery; it could be the only moment I get before I fall back into my daze of depression. “No, I don’t think so, I mean it’s Jakob Cobb! I think I prefer crushin’ on him and just daydreaming of what if.”
Annie laughed. “I know what you mean, he’s sort of pushy, isn’t he? Besides, if he really likes you then he’ll ask you out again.”
“He could just be attempting to date every single freshman considering he’s already dated the entire tenth grade.” Annie laughed even harder at this thought.
“Pu-leeeeez! He will never get the chance to date me.” I couldn’t help but laugh back at her, it felt good too.
“Then I better turn him down the next time he asks me out. If you don’t find him worthy enough to date, then he must be a loser.”
Annie threw a thumbs up into the air. I could just make it out throw the moonlight that shone threw my window, so I threw one back up at her. I took that as a moment to pass out, but I swear right before I zonked out that Annie whispered, “I do like Tristan though, he’s cool.”
Wait, what does she mean? Tristan and me? Do I like Tristan? Sure he’s been my best friend since birth, but do I like-like him?
Should I?
Mom would be thrilled, Raine too if she could just forgive me and trust me again. I know because once mom told me that they pictured Tristan and I growing up, falling in love, and starting a family of their own. I assume Raine thought the idea was a failure once she realized that Tristan was different, but I still always held his hand. He will always be my best friend and if I ever got him back I’d never, ever leave him alone again. Never.
Maybe I do love him, but if that’s the case what do I do from here? How does one go about admitting to love, and would Tristan love me in return?
I am glad that today is Friday, I am in desperate need of a weekend. Plus, I am hoping that this weekend will give me a chance to redeem myself. I have ten dollars in my pocket and I plan to buy Tristan as many Hot wheels as I can. An assortment of colors that I know he’ll love. Then I am going to bake him his favorite cookies, Snickerdoodles. I’m not sure if he loves them because they are soft and easy for him to get down, seeing as most autistics have trouble with textures or just because they are the best cookie in the world. That is the one thing that the four of us; mom, Raine, Tristan, and I have in common, we all love Snickerdoodles. Mom even loves them enough that she calls dad that a lot, apparently she’s done it since they were dating, how cheesy. But I guess if that’s how you tell one that you love them then I’ll give it a shot. I want Tristan to forgive me and know that because of this gesture that I love him and that he is my Snickerdoodle.
Today has been slow and I swear the money is burning a hole in my pocket. It is only fourth period and we have seven classes in all! On another note, I was quite shocked to see Jakob wave to me as I entered fourth period and a little bewildered when he choose to sit in front of me as we returned from our lunch break. Annie sat down next to me with a wink and an eyebrow raise. I attempted not to smile, my lips failed me.
What’s worse is that my big dumb a*s grin grew wider when Jakob turned around and placed a piece of paper on my desk with his handwriting that read:
Wished you had called last night. I sat up all night, waiting. I couldn’t get you off my mind. Can I take you out on Saturday?
Jakob
I passed the letter to Annie so she could read what he said and not fall out of her chair, leaning over to catch a glimpse. She snatched the paper, scanned it, then jotted something down at the bottom, under his words. She smiled and passed it back to me and I looked down to read it, completely missing Jakob turn to check out if I’ve responded. When I looked up to call Annie out on the huge smiley face with the word yes written in all caps, I noticed Jakob also staring down at my answer in Annie’s handwriting.
Jakob added his own smiley face, a tongue face to be exact and winked at me before turning around. Thank God he didn’t wait for me to say something because I could feel my entire face turn bright red, my heart racing. I wanted to kill Annie! I wrote her back a special note of my own that simply said, “I thought you didn’t say yes to losers” and showed her. Her response? Shoulder shrug and a big, goofy grin.
At the end of class Jakob offered to carry my books for me to my next class. I just wanted to be alone, so I tried to be nice even if he thought I had been the one to agree to his so-called date.
“That’s okay, I think I can handle it on my own.” I waved my single book at him, with a smirk. Be humorous, not a b***h.
I walked away from him with Annie at my side assuming he’d go on about his own business, but no, he began following us to our next class. This boy was obviously desperate and I still was confused as to why he was so desperate for me. It’s still so unbelievable for me that a guy I’ve spent years drooling over is finally trying to get with me and I keep turning him down because I am stuck on Tristan. Do I blame him or myself?
I am only constantly thinking of him because of my ignorant decisions, but when I was holding Tristan's hand constantly I was being ignored by the entire school, including Jakob Cobb. Now my social life is opening up, blossoming and instead of enjoying it I am wasting away with quilt from my ignorance. Someone should slap me.
“You and Annie have a lot of classes together, huh?” Jakob obviously had no clue how to talk to women because our school is small enough to where I could quite possibly have every class with Annie; luckily I do not, seeing as Annie left me outside our classroom to fend for myself against my so-called crush.
“Yeah, I guess so. It’s pretty cool though because she helps me a lot with homework, she has far more brains than I do.”
Apparently telling him that he was attempting to date an idiot was not working either because he just kept smiling at me. So much for my attempt at ditching Jakob and really you have no idea how weird this is for me, I never expected this scenario to ever occur in my lifetime. Jakob is just so… clingy and I’m not even his girlfriend, yet? That is definitely a question because as of right now I think I’d have to say no.
“I assume you have no intentions of calling me, whether it be of fear or nervousness…”
Or the fact that I just don’t have anything to say…
“Either way I know I want to talk to you, so may I call you?”
“You don’t have my phone number.” He smirked at this.
“So you think.” He winked, his smile broadening.
Do I even want to know? Clingy and a stalker, scary thoughts. He must have sensed my discomfort. “I have connections.” This did not help his case.
“Uh, okay. You can call me if you’d like. I have to go to class now, goodbye.” I didn’t give him a chance to respond, I walked straight through the classroom door and over to my desk next to Annie. I gave her a look that clearly said, thanks a lot! Not to mention I was in sort of a panic thinking that he was going to attempt to kiss me, how could I not with the way he kept licking his lips? I miss craving the boy I thought was mysterious and handsome, not being creeped out by the real Jakob Cobb. That just happens to be how my luck goes though. It sucks, but what can I do?
I glared at Annie when I took my seat next to her and was thankful that this was our last period together especially when she couldn’t chill out about Jakob and his obsession with me.
“This boy really likes you, huh? Wow, I am just so shocked I seriously thought he’d give up by now, seeing as he can have any girl that he wants.”
“Annie, you aren’t boosting my confidence, at all.”
“Oh! I’m sorry Ray, it’s just I am very confused by why he is just noticing you now. You’ve been drooling over him for years and he is just now noticing the slobber? It’s very confusing. I was sure he‘d have slipped on your spit way before now.”
“I think I’m over it, the slobbering that is.” Annie smiled.
“It’s life Ray, some guys are just like that, which is the main reason why I don’t plan to date in high school. But I think you should give it a shot, after all it’s not like he asked you to sleep with him.” She gabbed her elbow into my ribcage and my face turned tomato red.
The rest of the day was unentertaining, passing far too slowly and not once did I see Tristan. The walk home was even more miserable because Annie wasn’t with me, she left with another girl friend named Ashley - apparently they were both invited to the Homecoming dance. Ack! You see, Annie won’t date but she will go to Homecoming or Prom with you - she’s just that kind of girl, loves dances and being the center of anyone’s world. I didn’t mind though because she’d never get to do all that type of stuff with me because I was most definitely not that type of girl. Besides, I doubt I could bring the only date I’d want to bring, Tristan just isn’t the type of person you can bring to a crowd of noise. I really need to stop reminding myself of him, it hurts more than it helps.
As soon as I completed my homework for the evening my phone rang. Caller ID read: Jakob Cobb.
Damn, what am I going to talk to him about?
“Hello?”
“Hello Reagan, it’s Jakob! You’ve been on my mind all day.”
What exactly do girls say to guys when they sweet talk them? I am at lose for words.
“Uh…okay.” Definitely not what I should have said, whatever.
He laughs a short, quick laugh. “See? That is why I love about you Ray -”
Did he just call me Ray? Who does he think he is, my boyfriend?
“You are not complicated, most women are.”
I feel complicated and what’s with the ‘L’ bomb?
“You just say what you feel, no matter how it comes off.”
“I prefer honesty, so I speak honestly.” Keep it real.
“I’d really love to take you out sometime. I would love to just sit down alone with you somewhere and just talk.”
Alone with Jakob Cobb, what the hell would I talk about? Then Annie’s voice leaked into my brain, It’s not like he asked you to sleep with him or anything. She is right and besides, if it doesn’t work out then better for me right? I won’t have creepy (where is the mystery anymore?) Jakob Cobb trying to get me on a date.
So that is when I decided to tell Jakob yes, so much for redemption. Raine and Tristan weren’t home anyway. Mom said they were going away for the weekend - see my luck? She said the gift was a wonderful gesture though.
A wasted gesture.
And because of that I am going on a date tomorrow night with Jakob. The boy I have dreamed about for years and all I can think is, this won’t be as good as all my dreams were. Damn.
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