Reagan Part Two: An apology

Written by: Amanda

Raine,

I’m terribly sorry.

 

Love,

Reagan

　

 

For my letter of apology, that’s all I’ve got. Truthfully, I don’t even know where to start an apology like this. But I promised my mom I would, right after I apologized for skipping school. Mom went ballistic!

 

“Do you know how worried I was? First Tristan then you go wondering off on your own! What has gotten into you Reagan?”

 

She ended up crying again because my response didn’t make the situation any better. I just needed to be alone, that’s all. She obviously thinks I’ve not been thinking properly lately. She ended up just going up to her room when she began crying so hard that she couldn’t speak anymore. I assumed she ended up passed out in her  bed because it got quiet a few moments after she left. It was only five o’clock in the afternoon, I knew I’d be spending the remainder of the evening alone. She seemed very upset. Not to mention she didn’t even have Raine to turn to and it is all my fault. So I went into her room, woke her up, and promised an apology so Raine would forgive me for my foolishness.

 

I just hope mom didn’t mean face to face, I can’t do that. Just like I can’t even handle school right now. How do you focus on Algebra (my worst subject) when your life is in shambles? I have been in a daze all day, even Annie is unable to find me a cure. She has pretty much just left me alone and hasn’t asked any of the unanswered questions.

 

It’s the last class of the day and I have yet to get any where with this letter. I just want to close my eyes and wake up from this dream (nightmare?).

 

When the bell rang it woke me and I prayed that today was yesterday and I was going to find Tristan, grab a hold of his hand, and walk him home. Instead, I reached my locker to find Jakob Cobb leaning against the locker next to mine, waiting for me.

 

“Hi Reagan.”

 

Jakob Cobb !! A boy I have had a crush on since the 6^th grade just spoke my name! And he smiled at me. I swore he never even knew that I had existed.

 

“I noticed you looked pretty down today at lunch, it was so unlike your usual self.”

 

Unlike myself? Jakob Cobb, do you watch me?

 

“Annie said you were just upset, she didn’t give details.”

 

Annie? Oh yes, Annie! Of course you know her, who doesn’t?

 

Annie is everyone’s best friend. She just chooses to spend every waking minute with me. And Tristan. Tristan, the reason I am sad.

 

“Stress.” That’s all I could mumble when I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, none other than Tristan himself. He was at the end of the hall with his teacher. She had just grabbed onto his hand and started walking him towards the front of the school; I knew she was walking him to the front office and I knew that his mom would be there to retrieve him. I’m a fool.

 

I grabbed the books that I needed from my locker and began exchanging them with those I no longer needed tonight. Homework, dreading that experience. Maybe Annie will come over and help me so I can focus on the algebraic equations instead of thinking about Tristan four doors down whom was forgetting all about me. Also so I could avoid mom, my letter still has failed to get any longer.

 

“Do you need some cheering up? I was hoping you would allow me to take you out tonight.”

 

Wait, what? “Huh?”

 

“On a date to dinner. Your choice.”

 

“Okay? I mean, I don’t know.”

 

“How about you think about it, then call me?” He flipped a card out of thin air and placed it in front of me, this must be how he got all those girlfriends. I took it and stared down at it. It looked like a business card with his name and number embroidered on it. It was cheesy but it was Jakob Cobb!!!

 

“Okay.” I stuck it in my back pocket, zipped up my bag and waved as I walked down the hall in a daze.

 

Walking home I could no longer keep my mouth shut. Plus Annie was getting bummed out with my silence and inability to laugh; yet she still accepted my offer of a free meal at my house for some homework help. She probably assumed I’d fess up by the end of the night, otherwise I think she would have just went straight home.

 

“Jakob Cobb came up to me today.”

 

She stopped walking, so did I. “Okay?” She wanted details.

 

“He said he asked you about me.”

 

She rolled her eyes, linked her arm with mine, and started walking down the road again. “Yeah he sounded concerned. I guess.” Annie thinks Jakob is a player, I think Jakob is a dream boat.

 

“He asked me on a date and -”

 

“Wait, what?”

 

Now she was interested. I handed her the card and she took one look at it and burst out laughing, I knew that was going to happen.

 

“Wow! Jakob Cobb has his own personalized cards? Player.” She stuck her tongue out at the card then handed it back over to me. “So, did you say yes?”

 

“He told me to think about it.”

 

“Well, what do you think about it?”

 

We were reaching my driveway so I had to stop. I was still worried about my mom even though Annie had come with me.

 

“Oh Annie, I want to so bad.” I paused and took a deep breath. “I just doubt I can.” I looked in the direction of my house, she nodded.

 

“Your mom, right!”

 

Yeah, my mom and not because she was overprotected and disliked boys (that weren’t Tristan) being with her daughter; no, it was because I was in trouble for a very long time. I just nodded to Annie, I’ll just have to explain it to her later. I thought I would be able to until I opened my front door to see mom in the kitchen with none other than Raine and Tristan.

 

I couldn’t breath. Annie, unknowing of the situation smiled at everyone.

 

“Hey Tristan! Reagan didn’t say you’d be here too, that’s cool!” Tristan never looked up from his cars. He still lines them up in rows, like rainbows. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, and Violet. Violet, my favorite color. And it may sound girly but it looks nice on him and I enjoy when he wears it.

 

“Hey Ms. Raine.” I swear Raine glared over at me when she noticed me standing there. I could be wrong though because she quickly smiled at Annie.

 

“Hello Annie, how have you been sweetie?”

 

Normal conversation followed but I was lost in a trance. Not once did Tristan look up at me. What had happened to him? Did he hate me? Screw my apology to Raine, I wanted to apologize to Tristan and be able to hold his hand again.

 

Even at the dinner table I sat quietly, unnoticed until...

 

“Reagan, honey?” I looked up from my barely touched meal and stopped shoveling my peas into my mashed potatoes. I looked around at the three pairs of eyes, staring at me. Tristan was too busy eating and I didn’t imagine that he’d look at me even if I had yelled his name as loudly as I could.

 

I wish dad weren’t out of town, he would save me. He would give me advice on what I could say to calm everyone’s nerves; he would protect me from the vicious glares I swear I keep feeling from Raine’s direction. Dad would give me answers and I’d be set free from all this guilt and misery. I swallowed hard, it hurt because my throat was so dry.

 

“There was something you promised me last night, could you share it with all of us please?”

 

I picked up my glass to quench my thirst as I nodded. What the hell do I say?

 

“The other day I made a mistake and I feel awful about it. I didn't think before I acted and I am so sorry. Just know that I meant no harm." 

 

I sighed and took my eyes off Raine and looked over at Tristan, now he was the one pushing his peas into his mashed potatoes. I was making him uncomfortable and I could tell. I am sure he tried forgetting what happened, but I know that the play by play probably ran through his head more than it did my own.

 

“I care about both you and Tristan and would never want to cause harm to either of you, nor worry.”

 

I stopped there because I was almost in tears. I noticed Annie go tense and she felt out of place, I could tell that she didn’t expect such a tense conversation, after all she had no clue of what I was apologizing for because I had been such a clam all day. I knew she would drill me once she found an opportune moment and I didn’t know how I’d explain myself. I could barely apologize to Raine.

 

“I accept your apology and appreciate your time, but I’m not sure if I can easily put my trust back into your judgment Reagan and I hope that you can understand that.”

 

I nodded and a tear fell onto my plate. Moments later Raine stood up from her chair and thanked mom for the dinner. She grabbed a hold of Tristan’s hand to lead him to the door with no backwards glances. Not even a single goodbye hug. I never thought I’d ever screw my life up the way I did; I never thought I’d lose Tristan, but there he went and left me to cry my tears alone.

Author's Note

Fully detailed reviews are welcome; any grammar/spelling mistakes, please feel free to point them out; any advice on bettering the story to make it stronger is also welcome!

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

The story is gaining some history. I like the character and the storyline. We look at the past mistakes with different eyes after the mistakes have been made. A very strong ending to a excellent chapter. I will come back and finish later tonight.
Coyote

[.shalynn.009.]

I like the start of this chapter. It was very attention grabbing.

"that’s all I’ve got and truthfully, I don’t even know" take out the "and" adn make these two seperate sentences or else it becomes a run-on.

"she ended up passed out in her room" Because you used the phrase "in her room" in the sentence before this, it becomes a little repetitive. Maybe if you changed it to "on her bed"

"I knew she was upset" Again, because you used the phrase "i knew" twice, it becomes repetitive. You could just take it out of the second snetence entirely. I think it would keep the pace from dragging down if you did.

"and it’s all my fault" watch your tenses. this should be "it was"

"so Raine will forgive me" those tenses again. You slipped into present tense for the whole next paragraph.

"And he smiled at me, I swore he never even knew that I had existed." split this up into two sentences.

"Homework, dreading that experience" Since this is in present tense, I'll assume it is a direct thought, in which case you should put it into italics. But you did slip into present tense here again.

"It was cheesy but it was Jakob Cobb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" haha. I know what the intention is here, but go a little easy on the exclamations. You will get your point across with just one or maybe two, I promise. THis could come across as overkill, which is a bad thing. The sentence itself made me laugh, htough.

"She stopped walking, so did I." You're putting a lot of commas where there should be periods. Be careful of that.

"Annie thinks Jakob" tenses, tenses, tenses. I'm gonna get annoying about this if you keep it up.

"I just nodded to Annie, I’ll just have to explain it to her later or I thought I would be able to until I opened my front door to see mom in the kitchen with none other than Raine and Tristan." Tenses, and this is a long run on. Break it up into two or three smaller sentences or the meaning and the drama of the moment is going to be lost on the reader.

"I looked up from my barely touched meal and stopped shoveling my peas into my mashed potatoes and looked around at the three pairs of eyes, staring at me." Again, this is a long sentence that could be broken up.

"quilt" I'm guessing you meant "guilt"? You slip into that present tense here again.

Tha apology in the next paragraph sounds a little...like an intelligetn person wrote it. Not so much like a teenager saying it. For this, you need to get a little more colloquial, the same as with all of her dialogue.

"I noticed Annie go tense and she felt out of place, I could tell that she didn’t expect such a tense conversation, after all she had no clue of what I was apologizing for because I had been such a clam all day." Another very long sentence that needs to be broken up.

"grabbed a hold of Tristan’s hand and lead him to the door" Either change this to "to lead" or "and led". I suggest the first one, because if you don't there will be way too many "ands" in there.

Change teh last sentence to past tense and it will be a very strong, emotional ending that will get to the reader. Still going strong with this, though you are still havng problems with those tenses, as well as putting commas all over the place where there should be periods. There was almost one in every paragraph. Same thing with those run on sentences. Watch out for that. It's okay to have a short sentence. Often, they can be the most effective in writing. Other than that, this is still developing. I feel the pace is a little rushed, and a lot more details could be added in (you seemed to rush a little through the scene with Jaob. Although she would be distracted by the departure of Tristan, she is still a teenage girl and this is the guy she has been crushing on which has just revealed that he has been noticing her. Tristan might fall to the back of her mind for a moment. She's guilty of pushing him away in order to have a social life already.)

Sorry it took me so long to get to this. I lost my internet service for a week or two and it's been difficult to find time and places to get to the internet outside of my house. I'm still enjoying your writing. I promise I 'm not ignoring you.

[Sarah McConnaughey]

I like how your character Jakob entered into the story and I think it's sweet Reagan has a crush on him. The story is going great; I'll definitely keep reading because you're able to keep my attention with it. :)

[steph]

I agree with Samantha, the time and the creativity you put behind the character creation is awsome. and I like how you have made it relate to your reader... Excellent job I look foward to reading more

[Samantha (:]

I love this. I especially like your characters' names. So creative and funky. I really liked the line about not being able to handle Algebra right now because her life is in shambles. The exact thoughts that ran through my mind this afternoon in Algebra 2. ): You're a great writer, though! Keep it going. (:

[Midnight_Mystery]

at the end..'here comes the tears' should it be 'here come the tears' ?

[Thomas Sawyer]

It's good how you guys are able to combine and get your stories straight. Keep it up.