Raine Part One: Where's my baby?

Written by: Natasha

 

This afternoon as the time gets later and later, I understand how Tristan must feel.  The more delayed he is the harder my heart pounds.  My hands have begun to sweat and a knot is starting to take shape in the pit of my stomach.

 

As I stood loading the dishwasher, I kept glancing out the window expecting to see the familiar forms of Reagan and Tristan walking down the street hand in hand.  Unfortunately the street remained empty.  All I could see was a fiery kaleidoscope of red, orange, and brown leaves skittering down the deserted street.  My worry continued to rise, apprehension creeping up my spine. 

 

Oh Tristan...where are you baby? I whispered to myself. Glancing at the clock I see another ten minutes have passed.  He's never been this delayed before.  I kept telling myself that everything would be fine, any minute he'd be walking through the door flapping his hands and everything would be just fine.  Though the more time that passed the harder that became to believe.

 

Forty minutes later I sat at the kitchen table, my cup of tea untouched and the taste of blood on my tongue from biting my lip. I'd been trying desperately to fight the growing sense of unease. I finally gathered the courage to call Dawn.  My fingers trembled as I fumbled to punch in her number.  Forty minutes is an eternity for an Autistic who is wrapped up in his routines.  I really hoped Dawn would be able to tell me something.

 

Dawn answered on the second ring.

 

"Hello?"

 

"Dawn please tell me Tristan is there with you."

 

There was a slight pause before she answered, " Uhm...no he's not.  What''s wrong?"

 

Tears sprang up into my eyes.

 

"He's about forty minutes late...he's never been this late! I'm so scared Dawn, where could he be?"

 

"Calm down, I'm sure he's alright.  Reagan probably stopped to show him something."

 

"Maybe." I answered without conviction.  We talked for a few minutes, when she told me Reagan had just gotten home.  My hopes soared...until I heard:

 

"Reagan Marie Dawson! Where is Tristan?" I felt as though someone had punched me in the stomach.

 

"Dawn?  What happened? Oh my God, where is my baby boy?"

 

I hung up.  I was too shaken up to wait for a response.  At that moment I would have given ANYTHING to see his face, even if it did happen to accompany a meltdown. All I wanted was my son, safe and sound, at home. 

 

Grabbing my keys I rushed out of the house.  I had only one objective: find my baby. Later I would worry about why my son was God knows where while Reagan had a leisurely walk home.

 

I drove around town for hours as the sky darkened and a steady rain began falling.  I decided to check the park where I used to take him as a child.  We hadn't been there in many years, but I was running out of options.  The park is surrounded by woods on two sides- I silently prayed he hadn't run into them.  If he had, it would be nearly impossible to find him on my own.  Tears streamed down my cheeks mixing with the cold rain and my throat had become raw from calling his name.

 

Swinging the beam of my flashlight along as I walked I came upon a form huddled underneath one of the park benches.

 

"Tristan...baby...is that you?" I asked softly.  I could hear whimpering so I moved closer.

 

"Tristan?" I called again.

 

This time I could make out "Mama...home...Mama...home."  Hearing his voice I dropped to my knees, the mud and water soaking through my slacks going unnoticed.  The flashlight rolled away from me, leaving a streak of light shining in the grass.  Gently I pulled him from underneath the bench.  He was soaked and trembling, his right hand flapping in front of his face.

 

"Thank you God!  Oh baby...I was so worried. Are you okay? Shh...Mama's here." I watch as his eyes slowly lock onto my face and recognition sets in.

 

"MAMA!" He yells, gripping me as though afraid I'll float away or turn out to be an illusion.

 

"It's okay...Mama's here now..." After we cry and hug each other, neither one of us wanting to let go, I ease his arms from around me.

 

"Home?" he whispers and signs to me.  I can barely make it out in the dark.

 

"Yes baby...come on lets get you home." 

 

On the ride home Tristan is silent, I feel as though he's retreated deep within himself.  Now that I know he's safe, my mind wanders to Reagan.  How could she do this?  All she had to do was call me and I would have been right there to pick him up.  I never pegged her for being this selfish and irresponsible.  I feel myself getting overwhelmed with anger.  I glance  at Tristan in the rear-view mirror.   I don't have time to be angry...he needs my attention. 

 

When we got home I debated calling Dawn and letting her know, I could see her light was still on.  I knew though, that if I did call her I'd say a lot of things I'd probably regret later.  Instead I took my sons hand and led him into the house. A part of me thought: Let them worry...like they let me.  I was too hurt to worry about this being a childish form of push and pull.  All I wanted was to get my baby warm, dry and muddle through a guaranteed night of meltdowns.

 

As I sang to him that night, my heart broke for him.  Tomorrow he would expect to walk with Reagan, like always.  He isn't going to understand how the nights' events have banned her from having anything to do with him, at least for the time being.  His world just got turned upside down, the world I already carry on my shoulders.  How am I supposed to upright it once more?

 

Tears silently trickle down my cheeks.  All I know is, I let him be harmed once.  It won't happen again...meltdowns or not.  Bruised relationships and feelings, or not.  No one said I had to like it though, I thought, as I turned off his dinosaur lamp.

Author's Note

All Raine parts are done by Natasha (midnight_mystery) please feel free to send her read requests so that she can edit/revise her work appropriately when giving certain advice. I can only fix grammar/spelling corrections, as I don't want to rewrite her parts for her, otherwise... what's the point in a co-writer? Thank you.

Reviews

[.shalynn.009.]

"kalidascope" should be kaleidoscope.

"Oh Tristan...where are you baby? I whispered" if she says it out loud, then it should be in quotations, not italics

"I'd been trying desperatly to fight the growing sense of unease, I finally gathered the courage to call Dawn." these should be two different sentences. Otherwise it's a run on sentence.

" I was too shook up" should be "shaken up"

"mama...home." Mama is being used a as name, so it should be capitalized

I know this part wasn't written by you, but because you two are writing it together adn because she isn't my friend yet (what is her name on writer'scafe? Natasha?) I will tell you and you can relay it to her. You two need to have a talk about what tense you are using, becase this was almost all in present tense. I liked it, though. It was interesting that it went back to when Tristan was missing, rather than continuing on from where Reagna's chapter left off. However, I would have liked it to go on to the next day to see how she handled Tristan's rocky morning. Maybe that's good, though, because it'll keep me reading. I have one suggestion, but this is style preference, so feel free to ignore it: a few times in this chapter more than one punctuation is used at the end of sentences (double question marks, question marks and exclamationn points used together) and I think you should limit your use of those. I know you're trying to get the tone across, but you wnat to do that throught eh emotion of the scene and the characters more than through the punctuation. If I were you (and I'm still talking to NAtasha, mostly) I would pick one ppunctuation and stick with that. Trust the emotion of the scene to relay the rest to the reader, because otherwise it just kind of comes across as overkill, like you don't trust your writing enough to let the reader infer that Raine is frantically asking hwhere Tristan is. That's just my opinion and I've made my argument, but again, it's up to you to decide. You're still going strong with this, although I think you could slow the pace down and linger n certain emotions and thoughts. Other rhan that, great job, both of you. You've still got me reading.

[Coyote Poetry]

A amazing story in this chapter. To lose a child make you feel weak and very scare. I could feel the tension and emotion in every lone. A very good ending. The baby was found. A outstanding chapter. You brought me in with a powerful story and held me to the last word.
Coyote

[Shelby]

I like that you take the time to put in the caring details that many (me especially) neglect, such as the dinosaur lamp, the singing to sleep at night, etc. Those are important to getting the sweet, familial feel of a mother and son, which are needed to balance the mother bear anger she has against Reagan. I'm slightly confused on the tense you are aiming to use. You started with the present, which was a switch from the last chapter, then shifted between past and present, though i noticed you stuck mostly to present. If that is your most natural form of writing, I say run with it and screw the past. If not, your going to have to figure out a way to adhere to one or the other or edit it to consistency. So far, i don't know much about Raine, though it is clear that she is a loving and protective mother. As the story goes on, of course it will be important to define her personality, but I'm not worried. This seems to be headed in the right direction. (By the way, I do apologize that this is aimed at you. For now, its easier to access chapters through you, as I haven't had much time for this sight lately, but later on I will go to midnight_mystery and try to give her these critiques as well.) The shift from the last chapter to this one was smooth and clear, so there is no worries there. Also, it was obvious that this character was not a teenager, but an adult, through the writing. You've obviously figured out how to differentiate characters by age, which is extremely helpful to the readers. Really, the only suggestion I have for now is to focus on fixing the tense, because it was confusing and took me out of the story. Again, I am hooked on this story. Thank you for read requesting me.

[Abbie]

great write

[Sarah McConnaughey]

This is a great part. It's nice to know what happened to Tristan and good she has him back.

[steph]

I wish I could help with spelling, but I am handicapped there... The sentence structure is excellent and the story kinda grips at you.. I feel the mothers pain

[Midnight_Mystery]

i am the co~writer,i write raine and tristans parts so plz add me and post this under mine..i corrected the typos but need the other suggestions. thanks :) i sent an friend invite to u.

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-G..]

This story is co-written so all Raine and Tristan parts are done by Natasha (on this site she is known as Midnight_Mystery; she can be found on my friends list); it will be rare for me to edit/revise these so if you'd like to add her as a friend and review them on her page (but please still review Reagan parts on mine)- just so we will be able to edit/adjust accordingly.

If you find that I am asking too much then you are welcome to continue to review here and I'll just have her read them from my page. If you do choose to do it the way I have asked, then I greatly appreciate it.