Bess's Birthday

Happy birthday Bess, I am glad you've finally decided that I was important enough to speak to again. Especially on the most important day of your life. Since you and Trevor decided to become an item, you've spent more time on the couch laughing with him than you do with me. I am hurt Bess, really hurt. I can not believe how easily you've replaced me! 

Just please keep the pillow talk to yourself. I don't feel the need for my first porno to involve the fattest woman on the planet and the world's skinnest man....just sayin'! I gag every time I think about, wait...did you just say that y'all haven't had sex yet? Well what the heck are you waiting for! You do know that this is probably the only chance you'll ever have in your entire life to experience the act of sexual pleasure, don't you? 

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Not everyone is as lucky as I am with both brains and beauty especially not you. Due to not having either. So your best bet is to rip his clothes off and break his back, if you know what I mean. 

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And no, I don't mean ride him cowgirl style, you'd suffocate the poor boy! No, no...you are right, I should encourage your moral choices and be proud that you aren't pulling a Cheryl.  I guess with a mother like yours, I'd want to follow in another mother's footsteps, too. 

Oh there's the doorbell! I wonder what Trevor thought to buy you for your birthday??

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Oh my freaking cuteness! Is that a Yorkshire Terrier? Look at the cute adorable little bow in its hair, oh my....cuuuute! 

I will have to agree Trevor didn't do half bad with himself...wait, did that dog just take a crap in my flower bed? That little rat b*****d! I work hard on that garden and it's...Bess...it just ate it's own poop. It's official this dog is as dumb and disgusting as both you and Trevor are.  

Disappointing, real disappointing.

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I think now I'll know just what to call the nasty little s**t, Poopi. I don't rightfully care if you like the name or not Bess, Poopi it shall be! 

So what are your plans for the evening Bess? Being friendless with a dad that hates your guts must be quite boring on your birthday and all.  And I know you have Trevor but there must be something new and special you can do aside from sitting on the couch and blabbing about each other and your patheticness. 

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A party? You must have really made an impression on all the freaks at school if you are having a party and people have actually chosen to come! Hmm...a party of freaks, this shall be fun. 

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Hopefully a little more fun than that but that is really what I am expecting, sorry for having to be the negative Nancy. Don't act surprised, you know I am a b***h.