Fuddled

Saturday night ramblings.

I'm muddled

My brain is fuddled

My head is wobbling

My fingers are fumbling

Why is this happening to me?

Why can I not be the person I want to be?

When will I overcome these obscene addictions?

When will be free of these ridiculous afflictions?

When will I be able to stop these unthought reactions?

When will I manage to fulfill my highest descriptions?

When will I be released from my programming's conscriptions?

My thoughts ricochet against themselves as I try to lasso them. They bounce and skitter and scurry away; sneaky, conniving strings of confusion. I try to consolidate them, to become rational, to reason with them and ask them to leave. But they snigger and leer and grin their horrible teeth and wiggle their way back into my disheveled psyche even as they appear to be agreeing to leave. They are tenacious, they are liars. They pick at my scabs and scratch open my scars and leave me ridden with loss.

Then a soft bubbling beat rises to the surface of awareness

Wordless messages emanate from that rhythm

And I feel a calm begin to flower with inner fairness

Subtle emotions if I do not acknowledge them

But resonating experiences of tranquil ecstasy

If I observe them and allow them to grow to what they will be

My chest physically pained

With the pain of the sorrows I once obtained

But that pain becomes a warmth as I tap into the beat

A warmth that infuses me with love from head to feet

In solemn salute I press my hand to my chest

And shed a cathartic tear to destructive ways laid to rest

My thoughts now vanish as I am consumed

My euphoria of being now emphatically resumed

Reviews

[The They]

Let thoughts fracture, scatter and disappear! The calm you feel is not an accident.

[*~*Butterfly Kisses*~*]

If I had a nickel for everytime these thoughts have come into my mind, I think I might be a millionaire. But somehow something wakes up inside of me and I remember something I once was taught. We all have this image of what we want, and what we want to become in our lives. But everything happens for a reason and the things we end up wanting take a different turn for something else. Whatever you may believe in I think there is some higher being keeping an eye on us and our lives are already planned out it just takes us sometime before we realize it. There are things in this life we are meant to do, and even if in our minds we want something different it's just not going to happen that way we want them to.


Anyway, thats my ramble and food for thought for you. Nicely done write!

~Anna Rose