Highschool Hell

Basic poem about love and loss (teen)

Junior year for a guy should be fun and games

Friends and parties day and night

Hookup with 3 girls, I just might

But still my limp heart remains

 

I used to be the happiest kid alive

a girl who cared for me,

I was in love with life, anyone could see

Now I’m just trying to survive

 

Avoiding my friends and hiding away

Popping pills to avoid the pain

Crying to the few friends that remain

Does anyone care about what I have to say?

 

You told me you always cared for me

That you would always be there

That you would never hurt me, you would swear

What a b***h you turned out to be

 

I’m as fragile as I’ll ever be

Little things cause me to lose my grip

F**k girls f**k that relationship

You’ll miss me eventually

Author's Note

first poem submitted, looking for opinions

Reviews

[Destiny]

I have small revisions so the poem in the beginning might flow a bit better
"Friends and parties day and night" to Friends and parties, day and night
"I was in love with life, anyone could see" to two lines and break it off where the comma is.

Overall most people can relate. It's to the point and very emotional. I hope poetry is a different form of you coping than popping pills. It's very good and well-written.

[Tate Morgan]

This one i did not like as well It is too raw for me .I think the feeling that bothers me is the harsh judgement of those you are directing it to. Your talent seems pure I think it is best when one thinks to tell your inner child where you are going Not the tale of where you have been.The future is unwritten the past is gone away. Live in the future it is full of beauty I myself have learned to forgive my transgressions and hope that i can be a better man to those I love and who have dared to love me

[aloha.]

very raw and so, so true. this pretty much epitomizes what it's like to be a teenager these days.

[McKenna B.]

the swearing jars me a little but otherwise the poem is good, I could see it as a song actually. It had that kind of beat. Very nice.

[Ang]

I think the other comments really says it all. It's honest and direct, and I can really relate to parts of it.

[Tai Ryens]

Very straightforward poem, and I have to agree with your mentality; it's so hard to come by another person that is young and doesn't go after parties, fun, women, drugs, and all that other stuff.
And that ending, just... wow. Very direct, and how you implement karma in, like how Coyote Poetry says, just brilliant.

Keep it up!

[Jb]

I can relate to this alot, not the relationship component (I just isolated myself entirely during highschool), but everything else. You captured something so complex in a really simplistic/easy to follow way... which (even though I've only read 2 of your poems)is something I'm noticing to be a theme amongst your work. Keep writing, I lool forward to ready your new poems!

[i-love-you-boo♥]

This is really good and girls are b***** very nice work

[McNamara]

There is a vast amount of feeling within the poem that is easily relatable, but it's not very strong in terms of relating to what you yourself were feeling specifically. it's very relatable as it is a story that has been told many times. Thats not to say it shouldn't be told again, it's just that the focus should be carefully considered. What happened in this time that defined the events truly. It's direct in it's approach and that is in my opinion for better or worse. For better when there are lines such as,
'I'm as fragile as i'll ever be', or 'crying to the few friends that remain'. these lines suggest events and allude to conclusions outside of what is being told here for our inference. It all comes down to taste and what we each appreciate. I think direct is better told in a different format.

I would suggest leaving the poem as it is and just continuing writing as these feelings are valid, as are the lines that you have chosen first time round. If the feelings are still there you could consider them again from a different angle, what ever angle these feelings stem from.

[Heather D]

Very emotional and honest, and a great write. Youth is evident in this poem, and it makes it relatable. A good, honest piece. Well done.

[Rose of Gondor]

A very direct poem. I would say that this is about the best highschool poem I've read quite yet. :) Wonderful. I can sense the raw emotion in this poem. Hopefully, you didn't have to go through this, but even if you didn't, you've conveyed the emotion. Lovely poem.