Highschool Hell

Basic poem about love and loss (teen)

Junior year for a guy should be fun and games

Friends and parties day and night

Hookup with 3 girls, I just might

But still my limp heart remains

 

I used to be the happiest kid alive

a girl who cared for me,

I was in love with life, anyone could see

Now I’m just trying to survive

 

Avoiding my friends and hiding away

Popping pills to avoid the pain

Crying to the few friends that remain

Does anyone care about what I have to say?

 

You told me you always cared for me

That you would always be there

That you would never hurt me, you would swear

What a b***h you turned out to be

 

I’m as fragile as I’ll ever be

Little things cause me to lose my grip

F**k girls f**k that relationship

You’ll miss me eventually

Author's Note

first poem submitted, looking for opinions

Reviews

[Destiny]

I have small revisions so the poem in the beginning might flow a bit better
"Friends and parties day and night" to Friends and parties, day and night
"I was in love with life, anyone could see" to two lines and break it off where the comma is.

Overall most people can relate. It's to the point and very emotional. I hope poetry is a different form of you coping than popping pills. It's very good and well-written.

[Autumn]

This poem is so truthful, and even more because I can feel my own experience in it, which brings back memories. Succeeded to bring tears to my eyes! Great work!

[Writingfox]

Aw sweetie I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time. I know it's hard when people break a fragile heart. My recomendation is revise the ending and take away the swearing. It cheapens your voice as a writer and you are too good for that. If you ever just need to dump and talk message me. Praying things get better hon.

Be careful when posting stuff like this. In a year or two, you could feel completely different. It takes a lot of guts to publicly document your innermost thoughts, let alone keep them public for however long.

[Arte Por Vida]

I like this, but the beginning could use a little work. Maybe some in the last stanza as well. But still a good poem.

[Empirik]

Yah, this has some intense points in it my friend. First off the ending should be revised. It causes the rest of the poem, which has elegance and potential to seem a little shallow. Look, I know life is hard. I just went through a country song of a time myself. The worst time of my life. Losing my job, girl, house and cat all in the same two months. It had me depressed and judgmental. I had no support, but that is also where some of my best work has come from because I embraced the feeling and found compassion, and when that happened, I felt a new way to articulate things with more beauty, even if they were negative. I have been there, but I think if you focus on how you feel rather than what she did it will make the ending much stronger and give it even more beauty and respect. Because, ultimately in life it really does not matter what she did. What matters is what you do and how you recognize your feelings. I think it is a good poem. There is actually no bad poem. I believe that, truly. Keep up the good work, dude. :)

[Allan Eddings]

I think almost every single poet of all time began his trade because of just such an experience, love is the single greatest inspiration - even the pain of its loss is dazzling.

I enjoyed reading the piece, it was easy to relate to of course, and it had a nice rhythm. I agree with Destiny's suggestions regarding structure, with those two small changes this piece could be stunning. But even without that it is beautiful.

Seeing as everyone else is offering life advice as well, I will add in my opinion. Transform the pain of life into ecstatic beauty. Pain is easy to portray, but to use your passion and pain to portray the ecstasy and joy and magnificence of our world that is something that very few people can do - whether in life or in art. It is something I always try to do, though I do not believe I ever fully take my own advice, who does?

Anyway meandering and useless advice aside, a lovely poem and I look forward to reading more of your writing. Please do keep writing.

Regards,
A.E.

[Kyrosutra]

Good work buddy:D

I'm not sure what person couldn't relate to this some how!
I doesn't make it any easier that we know the feeling, when u feel alone!
When sadness has crept in and taken hold~
Do one thing young man, continue to write and let it out here!
Life is worth living everyday with good and bads, Love is worth the heart break!! More comes along!
I only wish I knew now then!!
That time speeds by us and life passes quickly ...
Live it to the fullest with love/fun/happiness.... and no drugs!!!!
Nice poem~

[Lady Of The Wolves]

Wow! A lot of people could definitely relate to this. Life is hard indeed, but once high school ends, the new door opens ( if you want it to) and trust me, life gets better! Great Poem =)