Distance

hope you all enjoy

Distance growing

Time slowing

Until the day I see her smile

 

Talking texting

Sex then resting

But only for a short while.

 

Once again waiting for her dial.

 

Hope burning

World turning

She’s a million miles away

 

Smile fading

Words changing

Until there’s nothing left to say.

Reviews

[Kyrosutra]

Right on :) Proper good read!

[melril18]

Love love love the rhyme scheme! It's short and disappearing which is in the same character as the love theme. Love the whole thing. Fantastic.

[Carolann Dowsett]

The hope of love in a world where love is as disposable as the material things we buy. A beautiful heartfelt poem. That is so full of truth.

[Erin Thomas]

I read this poem with rap music playing in the background.. It would make great rap lyrics! On another note, it is an absolutely beautiful poem! It is perfect length. I love how you can convey so much in so few words. The rhymes keep the rhythm flowing smoothly, and the words just grab onto your heart from the outside. Great work!

[The Dreamer]

beautful......dont have words to express what i feel now....... i mean - its because, i ve felt exactly like this once and i always try my best not to think of all those things,
and when i read this, all those memories came back.... my hands are ice cold now!

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

Wow, Geoff this is amazing! There's different persepctives that all of the readers could have picked up from your splendid poem. Your poem has a story behind it, that which I love that about it too. A poem that has a powerful message or rather a story is better than any other. It expresses better and touches the heart. I found myself whirling through different emotions that you laid out in your poem. I could sense some sadness, a little bit of anger, and happiness. Emotions that barely interact. There's usually more than other. Somehow you managed to manage them euqally, which is fantastic as a writer. You're a wonderful writer at that too! I did see this poem being about long distance relationship, in my own personal opinion. Which maybe you could have another purpose or meaning behind it though. Again, that's my own opinion from the words I grasped. Long distance relationships are hard unless you're fully committed to the person and have complete trust for them.

"Distance growing
Time slowing
Until the day I see her smile"--That is so romantic and beautiful.

"Talking,texting (I don't know if it would flow better with a comma in between those two words?)
Sex then resting
But only for a short while."

Once again waiting for her dial. (Or Once again waiting for her to dial)?

Hope burning
World turning
She's a million miles away--This the stanza that I gathered my perspective of your poem.

Smile fading
Words changing
Until there's nothing left to say.----Awwh! Such a sad ending to a beautiful poem.

Ashley Rivers--Dream BIG and you'll win BIG ;)

[luciddreamer]

a story that can be read in many different ways...enjoyed it

[IsoRoku]

You seem to have a firm grasp on the flow of poetry; your words wind around in an effortless stream of thought. You truly convey your message to its extent.
Now i don't mean this a harsh way, I found that your message was a little cliche. Yes it did connect with a broad audience but i found that it didn't speak to the point were it touched something unknown. Many a time a personal piece like this one needs some form of background from your life. It almost feels as if you were removed from this poem in a way, it almost felt like a over used saying rather than a piece on the pain someone has put you through. If you use details from your experience it will make it more lifelike and give us further insights into your thought processes. I would try to gather courage and think about what specifically hurt, how did it affect my view on this person i thought i loved and how do i want to display what i thought and felt to my audience.
I like your style but i feel as if you can delve deeper into the emotion. Also sorry that there are so many grammatical errors in my rant i wrote it kinda quickly...

[Arya]

i think this is about a long distance relationship but i like that i'm hesitating because the distance could also refer to the way someone grows away from us. i like the short stanzas suggesting short bursts of time together with space in between and the one sentance that stands alone suggesting that little happens around him, like the world stands still as he waits for her call.

[Jonathan Biswell]

wow is all i can say very few words yet it can tell so much