Existence is Horror

This writing is an experiment with "survival horror" fiction genre.

No one knew when it all started. No one even bothers to know it anymore. The aftermath of what has happened is all that matters. Morale has gone down severely in the past couple of years despite the victories. Why? Winning has become less significant. When does winning lose its virility? Is it because one is compelled to deny instant gratification? And when does denial of satisfaction occurs? It occurs when there are obstacles in real life. Obstacles that require one to see hordes of sacrifices and yet continue as if nothing happened. Berbatov just deferred gratification. The ones suppressed within his Id vaporized under too much pressure. Nothing has happened. Even the excruciating pain from his broken leg cannot make him believe that something is going on. He lay flat on the brown floor of the forest. High overhead the wind blew in the tops of the pine trees. He noticed it very minutely. He can also make out the huge chunk of blue sky. Why is it supposed to be blue on this day? Wasn’t it the same when he was talking to Rashkov while inspecting the “whatever you call them” camp? He thought he knew everything would go perfect. There were enough men and equipments in the rank to carry out such charge. Berbatov remembered how he and Rashkov conversed on their way to Diredewa about the description of the attack. Rashkov talked effusively back then.

“Diredewa is where it’s all happening, isn’t it?” Rashkov had said.

“Merely to get them means nothing. We must get to know where they are getting all this hypothetical ideas about us,” roared Rashkov. He can’t hide his god-like voice when he gets excited.

“Do you understand the seriousness of not only destroying them?”

“Yes.”

“They are going too far, you see. This is what I call dangerous,” Rashkov went on.

“Yes, I see.”

“It is your duty then to make sure that you go accordingly to the plan and never abandon it. You understand,” roared Rashkov again. This time his voice had a little twitch and it went down in volume.

“Yes.”

“Why are you answering me so abruptly Berbatov? Are you afraid? Haven’t you seen how my plans always worked? Don’t you remember how vital you always were? Don’t you want these to end as quickly as possible? Do you want to hunt or be hunted? After we have won you will come to my place. We will go and hunt.”

“Hunt, what? Them again?”

“No. We will go and hunt animals. Fox, rabbits, deer, boars, horses—“ The mirth in his voice was again understandable.

“Why horses? What pleasure can you derive from hunting?”

“That was a crude joke, Berbatov. I am excited to have you as my hunting partner. Maybe we can play a game. Who can hunt more in a given time? Just like we hunt these unearthly creatures, won’t you say?” smirked Rashkov. He looks old with his unusual smirk.

“I don’t like to hunt animals Rashkov. I do not like to kill ‘them’ too but I do it just because ‘they’ are in a state of paranoia.”

“I don’t like to hunt ‘these foul creatures too Berba… but I prefer to kill animals. To make trophies out of my gatherings gives me a pleasure. I feel pride gushing through my veins. Take pride in remembering the chance I got to come close to a different species. That is worth remembering. Not these monsters. These ugly beings mean nothing. Most of them were just like us before they got converted and started to expand. First, in small groups they attacked. Then came the larger waves. They brought different varieties into their group with time. They are nothing but a new generation of fascists. Nothing good remains by wiping them out. What’s your reason?”

“Like you said they are just nothing.”

“But you have killed?”

“You know I did. Several times. I think I should drop several. I did it on numerous occasions. Isn’t that the reason why we are on a winning streak all over right now? Although I killed without pleasure.”

“Yet you have killed.”

“Yes, I did. I will do it again and again until I remove them all. I have plans that I will pursue after it’s all over.”

“What plans?”

“Try to live a life free of killing for a cause or without a cause.”

“Why?”

“To receive forgiveness.”

“From whom?”

“From myself.”

“What happened to God?”

“Killing is independent of God. It is a sin to kill anyways. Nothing is permanent. Everything is on motion. So is God. God has moved too. Probably, He is building another empire and will get bored of it and move again. I don’t miss Him at all now. I am engulfed by Nothingness.”

“But the secret behind our recent victories lies in killing enemies. You win a war by killing. However I differ in some ways.” Rashkov sat down silently and kept talking. “I would make these monsters work like they worked when they were in human form. This is would remind them how to learn through work. They can see man’s objective: to work.”

“That’s a form of slavery, Rashkov”

“Killing is worse. If only we can show them the purpose of working and make them conscious about learning, then you can exterminate the idea of killing on both sides. Here, slavery is nothing. Only way to stop the cycle of killing is to imprison them. Make them work.”

“Will you try doing it this time?

“No. Our task requires killing. My plan cannot fail. It is beautifully designed to succeed. Do you remember your duty?”

“I do. Kill without thinking.”

“It requires more. Remember what I told you before.”

“Yes, I will ask no favors during the battle.”

“You remember well. I want you to live through it today. I think you will. You have enough experience and my plan will protect you most of the time. We must go hunting together soon. For now we will hunt a creature of our own type,” those were Rashkov’s final words. Berbatov felt like an instrument. Rashkov’s constant reminder echoed inside him. Only one task and that’s all Rashkov asked him to do. The plan is perfect and he can escape in several ways. Rest of it has been divided to other individuals. It’s not his job to think about them. Berbatov felt irritated. There was a time when he cared for others. Or was he this much indifferent all the time? Maybe the war has brought out his original self. To hell to this world. He looked up and saw the huge chunk of blue sky above.

It hasn’t changed at all. Not a single cloud has come to his aid to change it. Is time constant? Berbatov thought otherwise. There is nothing called time. It’s another of all the useless concepts he had learned throughout his life. Time is another of those beautiful plans made by Rashkov. Hell to his plans.

“Do you think they have a plan?” asked Hidan. “Enlighten me Kakuzu—“

“Somehow they found a different moral ground to fight back. Their morality has taken a different approach. I think they have taken into account that reason is the dominant factor in one’s own conduct,” said Kakuzu with his seething voice. He can see Hidan approaching and he knows the reaction by now.

“Am I to understand that emotions, instincts, passions and impulses no longer prevails over reasons? Kakuzu you make me laugh. Humans cannot act with rationality. Then they would have never given us the chance to explode into a massive vampire territory. They know the better course all the time. However, because they are humans they will pick the worse. Kakuzu, you are disappointing like anything.”

“Hidan, I am not done yet! You will have to accept more defeats if you fail to listen to my analysis. The South is following the principle I have just told you. They take pleasure in knowing nothing. That’s their wisdom. It has brought them success. They no longer desire to bring back their beloved ones that we have taken away from them. Nothingness is their weapon. It made them morally strong and aggressive than ever. We are losing our grip fast. You have to act soon Hidan,” stood up Kakuzu. He knows too much about Hidan. This drives him mad. Hidan did nothing for a minute. He saw Kakuzu getting up. He kept rubbing his thumbs together. Hidan dresses elegantly all the time. He hates being bloody. He likes to have his blood in washed glasses. He likes human diet. He takes shower everyday. He even likes to have his hands tattooed. Kakuzu just can’t stand him. Hidan thinks too far ahead than anyone does and hence he commands. Hidan let Kakuzu walk away and kept silent before he saw Kakuzu almost disappearing to the other side of the hall. “Kakuzu, you are just worthless. Wait for my orders.” Hidan knows that’s the best way to make Kakuzu work efficiently.

“Now that Kakuzu has left, it’s time to hear from North battalion. What’s your reason for so many losses? Don’t give me another Kakuzu-type garbage? Say—“

“My observance tells me that one of them has been enlightened enough to spread a moral message among them.”

“What message is that?”

“She is saying that all they are watching around them are just imitations. It’s not the real world. All of us are shadows according to her teachings. She is urging people from her part to come out of the darkness. She pointed out that they were shackled in chains and facing the wall of a cave. They must act to break free of it and come out of the cave. Come to face light. They all must act to stop watching shadows of reality on walls of the cave. This brought their belief back,” stopped Pain. Hidan can see Pain’s circular eyes getting smaller. This sounds as dangerous as Kakuzu’s case.

“Konan, brief me about the other two fronts?”

“It’s different and most strange of them all,” emphasized the only female leader. “They are uniting as one. All their moments of sorrow and melancholies have dissolved. They no longer hopes or wishes for happiness. They have accepted their fate to be miserable. Life to them is now a constant struggle without hope.” Hidan stopped her with a slight hiss.

“Do they seem happy by accepting such absurd idea?” asked Hidan.

“Yes. They seem fully aware of their position among us. That concerns me a lot Hidan. They have stopped to compare with a life full of hopes. They believe in the non-existent of alternatives. Henceforth, they are no longer horror-stricken to fight back,” finished Konan with a concerned scream. Konan has always been like that. She is loud and noisy among all other leaders present. Hidan has started to worry. Ideas have left him already. Acknowledgement of one’s own environment is very dangerous. Now they know their limits. To know one’s own limits is even more dangerous. It tells one about their capability. This sounds terrible. The only possible action left is also dangerous. The vampire community would tear him apart if he announces his decision. He knew this would happen at some point. But the question was when? The humans struck too early and they still have a large population at their disposal. Indeed, they make their history from consequences directly faced, given and transmitted from the past. Enough arsenals to win this war. Enough to make Hidan’s ingenious mind to falter. But Hidan will wait for the right time to announce it.

“We have news Hidan. The attack in Diredewa failed. We survived well,” screeched Konan. Hell to her screeching, thought Hidan. He knows it’s nothing compared to the entire picture. If only they knew. Kakuzu knows and that’s why he left early to save his neck. Hidan didn’t stop him. He knows it’s time to start acting independently. Only Kakuzu can but the rest are too much dependant on him. Hell to Kakuzu.

“I want to go to the battle scene now,” ordered Hidan. This is my chance. I need some air too. I have not seen the sky for ages.

The sky is still blue and cloudless. Berbatov has stopped thinking about it. The external world is no longer a part of him. He realized how little it matters. He had done his part in the plan but it is not as beautiful as Rashkov had told him. Rashkov knew it too. Otherwise why would he want Berbatov not to ask for help? Duties no longer mean anything to him. He feels free. All that remains here are earthly and trivial to him. Berbatov never took his eye off from the sky. All his fascinations about victories are lost. He no longer desires a serene life. Although he can hear footsteps approaching towards him, he kept looking at the sky. Hidan kept watching this young lad in his twenties lying in the ground and staring blankly at the sky. He too stared at it for a second. He has already given orders to leave the boy alone. He has already made his move. He will combat the humans through non-violence method. Isn’t that funny? Hidan thinks not. This is how he will fight. Hidan went close to the kid.

“How pathetic?” he mocked. Berbatov remained silent. Mockeries don’t exist in his world now. Leaders don’t exist in his world. “Your race left you here,” laughed Hidan. “We will let you live. We will let you enjoy that blue sky above. Your race should do the same too,” sneered the tall, skinny vampire boss.

Nothing exists in Berbatov’s world. He didn’t care what they said to him. No one would think about him anymore. He would join the millions who died for a better cause. No one would ever know that he does not care about what’s going on. He felt sad that no one would ever know what he had to say right at that moment. All they remember is the consequences of this war. The victory will be recorded but not his thoughts that paved the way for it. Like his thoughts, clusters of thoughts die away. No one notices expect the sky. It is a great blue book of records. Soon his thoughts will be added in a blue shelf with other records.

 

 Artist statement

I generated the idea for my story from one of my favorite quotation given by Karl Marx.

“Men make their own history, but they do not make it just as they please: they do not make it under circumstances chosen by themselves, but under circumstances directly encountered, given and transmitted from the past.”

Before I proceed I would like to quote that I used some names from my favorite Japanese manga series called Naruto. Also, I would like to thank my Ethiopian friend for giving me the name Diredewa. It’s a city in Ethiopia.

Now back to the story. I set my story as a backdrop for my own experimentation. Little thoughts formed into questions. I have used ideas that I always admired. There is extensive argument on philosophical point of view. I wanted to make my own ‘survival horror’ fiction less bloody and more thoughtful. One can arguably understand how the human world fights the vampire colonies across the world. But I added more to it. Yes, horror to me is not the existence of vampires or zombies. It is the questions that I often ask myself. On most occasions I can’t reach a conclusion and I feel naïve. To question my existence cannot be more horrifying than anything. Why? This is because questions like why you exist to live and what is your purpose in life can make you feel muddled. Why should I be moral? Why do I have to work diligently to earn good grades? What does grades mean in reality? Will I live if I don’t know how to swim in water but if I know the period of a simple pendulum? Why don’t I live a hedonist life? What would I avoid being a hermit? What constitutes a good personal life or a good society? What is worth living for, worth fighting for? What standards are there to judge that an act is right or wrong? Why should we have morals? Do we have any obligations in life? Why do we have individual definitions of knowledge? Why something that is knowledge to you can mean something else to a different person?

Does human history have any meaning? Why do we always have figures in history? How are wars supposed to be won? Does pattern in history really matter? What purpose does history of human beings serve to us? Why don’t we have histories of all those individual men and women who struggled? Does history have any significance?

What is reasoning? How do you define a valid reasoning? What is real? What is unreal?

As a human being I believe in questioning my existence and my surroundings. I have used some philosophies on a random basis to re-examine my thoughts. I questioned myself through Aristotle’s ethics, Plato’s Allegory of the Cave, Camus’s Absurdity and Nothingness, Tolstoy’s pacifism and Karl Marx.

History as I have discovered comes in harmony with Marx’s quote. However, we get an abridged view of history all the time. We watch through the mouth of telescope but the body of the telescope lies unnoticed. This ignorance is a ‘survival horror’ to me. I agree with Tolstoy’s view of history.  Only few individuals are acknowledged but there are numerous others to be accounted for. This is what I tried to portray in the end. I should also mention on how I wanted the vampires to follow pacifism instead of the humans.

I admire Hemingway’s style of writing. I have tried as much as possible to write succinctly and talk about ideas that I feel is important. In short, I enjoyed experimenting with my writing.

 

Reviews

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

this is very interesting, i like it:)

[Shishir]

Actually no, it is a war where vampires and humans are hunting down each other. At some point the humans started to fight back really well and the vampires were analyzing why this is happening. So, I went back to some old philosophies. In fact, I tried to look back on some past theories of life and ethics. Did you find it interesting?

[JuliePetunia]

It's pretty confusing, from what I understood, is it humans hunting humans?