Passage of Remorse

Passage of Remorse

Alone, when I am feeling hopeless, in my head, my heart - I'm alone,

As I try to find the words - the words that are probably better left unsaid,

The ones I delete, then re-write, delete again - racing against time before it’s gone,

Before the sand runs out and leaves me trapped within my empty hourglass,

How do I share what’s left inside my broken heart? To say what’s inside my pain filled soul?

"Help me...." Fight the darkness that consumes me and fills my life with regret,

I can't change that I wasn’t there for you and I will be FOREVER haunted by my selfishness,

By my choice, my love, to protect you - I selfishly had you live over our baby,

I know deep down that choice was for your health, but I still feel like a coward,

A meaningless coward stuck, caged inside the dark abyss of his own hell.

I know I can't change the past and I know deep down there is no going back - only forward,

How do I say I am sorry for leaving you - for not being there to watch the life leave Tugger's body?

To feel the sadness in your heart as you lost your mom within a month of your precious little boy,

Leaving you to deal with the grief, the memories, the sorrow - that by yourself you dealt with every day.

I wasn't there to wipe your tears away, as your dad become an empty space - disappearing before you,

To watch him slip into the shadows, to never be able to glimpse his reflection in the windows of his eyes,

As Alzheimer's disease claimed him like a thief trespassing - purging him and you without warning,

Wasn't there as you cried alone in the shower - before that call in the middle of the night - that still echoes,

How do I get the sanctity of your forgiveness, of your love to reach me - as I linger in the passage of remorse...?

3/12/2018

Reviews

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Dear Ghost, life deals us impossible choices and decisions. It beats down our souls sometimes. You have had some heart-wrenching blows dealt to you, and your beautiful and touching words show how much you suffer for them. The death of a child, the loss of a love, the feelings of abandonment - all so devastating. “How do I say I am sorry..”- you say it deeply, profoundly and with great remorse in your poem. Your descriptions of each experience show your compassion, depth of feeling and regret. You have a good heart my friend. God has forgiven you long ago, you must forgive yourself now. I know how hard it is and I fight with the demons too. I wish you mercy, peace, love and healing light always.:))

[Ghost]

Thank you Annette I am dealing and after sending this poem to the one who went through all the stuff I believe she and I can heal.. I am healing myself as well, I think writing is a part of my healing... But i appreciate you saying "I am sorry" to me Thank you so much...

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

You are most welcome my friend. I have confidence that your beautiful poem will start the healing. :)

[barleygirl]

Not sure if these details are non-fiction, but this is written in such a jagged & confessional way, I get the feeling it's true. I understand how regret can be our worst enemy when alone, depressed, or getting older. It's one of the things I'm keeping at bay when I write my silly poems. This started out powerful but general, then you get more specific with gut-wrenching details that would crush anyone on either side of this equation. I wish I could pour out my agony this intensely (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Ghost]

Thank you for the warm comments.. It is a true write and an apology to someone very close to my heart.. I appreciate your thoughtful review

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Things happen as they are meant to happen and sometimes we don’t have the means to comfort people or give answers but blaming yourself is not going to get you to heal - life deals us many a curveball that isn’t easy but forgiveness is for all especially self forgiveness which I hope you find- peace of mind will come once you accept what is done and gone and I’m sure if you ask for forgiveness it will be given- emotional write and deep seated feelings- takes guts🌹

[Ghost]

Than you so much... I am going to heal and it will be a slow journey but I took the first step into healing..

[‘Thoughts In Time’🌹]

I’m so glad and it’s my pleasure🌹

[sette]

oh so sad poem, but sometimes through sad poems we tend to reflect and realize many things that despite the many trials we have to endure, we still manage to survive and that is what is important.

[Ghost]

Thank you, hanging by a thread is how I feel lately... but thank you for such a warm comment..

[sette]

just be strong it will just pass...