Broken

Broken

My illusions are shattered by the pain in my eyes,

Love, life, my entire view distorted and stretched behind tears,

That escapes violently through my torn sanity, my emotional scars,

Can't breathe, fake laugh, merely dragging myself through life.

Angry words - you’re ugly, you’re stupid, you will never amount to anything - always haunting,

Emotionally bruised, physically hurt, invisibly tormented, yet I say I'm fine,

Disgrace and disappointment weighs heavy inside my mind,

And I’m lost in the desolation that’s gaping wide, growing larger in my black and white world.

Malignant, cancerous, destructive embers of misery penetrating my nerves,

Distraught, I wonder how do I cope?

As I struggle to fight for normalcy on this brutal ride,

Of fear, of sorrow that keeps me from living.

I'm a complicated mess of irrational, unpredictable, sad loneliness,

Behind a shadow of hurt, and numbness that can't erase the years,

Of alcohol, drugs, and counselors that failed to help me to understand,

From childhood through adulthood, why am I being punished with abandonment?

My past, my memories always triggered by things I would rather forget,

But they rush back more and more intense as I cower, crying on the floor of the shower,

Alone in the dark - depressed, weak, and unheard… how easily can I disappear?

My soul being sucked out of my body by my despair,

Slow unseen actions that will never heal and never fade away, always leaving me broken...

9/13/2017