intimacy allergy

It is ironic how many 

love poems I write. 

How many words I spill 

that have to do with 

intense intimacy and 

heart break-

I have no experience 

being under the effects of 

Cupid and his cruel mother. 

I do not recognize them, and 

I will never be able to. 

They say those who do not 

understand romantic attraction 

make the best friends, but alas, 

I do not fall under that rule. 

I may seem pleasant, 

I may smile or laugh,

but my hands have none to hold 

and my jokes fall on deaf ears. 

No one cares for me. 

I am lonely and deranged, 

broken and abandoned,

I am the neglected experiment 

of my family and circumstances. 

What a life to live, one where I fail at

the most basic of human emotions. 

I need people,

oh yes, I want someone 

to call my own-

but my heart gets 

sea sick by emotions,

and I am allergic to intimacy. 

A touch sends me 

into anaphylactic shock-

get close to me,

and I may swell up and seize. 

I met you, and 

I wanted nothing but to be better. 

To be healed of my condition. 

I made the horrible decision 

to believe that your love

could save me from my illness. 

I try and take a shot of 

your affections in mild doses,

trying to get used to the poison. 

Adjust my body, 

fix my immune system 

that is going haywire 

in your presence. 

I do not care how much

it hurts me to say it, though. 

I want to tell you the truth,

I want you to hear it before

my throat closes up and 

I choke on my words. 

I love you. 

I love you. 

I love you.