Letter To A Dead Boy (Sometimes)

Sometimes I miss you. A little bit, I guess. But not a whole lot. Not horribly, maybe. Not terribly. Not enough to cry into the shag rug of my bedroom floor or to bite my fingernails to the quick. Not enough to call your mother or to miss Wheel of Fortune when it comes on at three. But I do. 

Everywhere I go they feel so sorry for me. At school, at church, the grocery, the library. “That poor girl,” they whisper. “She has suffered a true tragedy.” So they scratch my back or tell me what a brave girl I am. They bring over a casserole or a card from the drug store emblazoned with a white rose. Sometimes a lily. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel special. Like I am the star of a macabre play. So I recite my lines effortlessly, telling them of my heartache, of lonesome nights and sinking sadness. It is a satisfying script. They throw roses at my feet. Sometimes lilies.

Sometimes I go out to that overlook. I drive there alone and I stay for hours. Long after the sun sets I stay. I tell my mother I'm going to a “friend's” or a movie or a sock hop or some s**t. I sit on the hood and smoke cigarettes. Sometimes I sneak under that gap in the fence. You remember. I creep to the edge and put one toe over. Two toes, three. I stand on one foot, I jump up and down. The rocks below give me a crooked smile and I smile back.

I know you must wonder about me now. You must ask yourself question after question. You were so naïve or innocent or artless or something. Your blue eyes filled with confusion, your lungs taking one last, sharp breath. Sometimes, I'm sorry it had to be you. But sometimes, I'm not sorry at all. 

Reviews

[Hayley]

This is very well crafted. It has a poetic quality in this prose that keeps the flow, keeps me hooked. You are good at giving this piece a feeling of generalization, impersonal almost, but with a hint of mystery at the end.
I really liked this piece! Keep writing...

[ggephart]

Oh, crap. I actually did forget the first stanza. Hah. On it.

[Eagle Cruagh]

I just came in and the play had already begun.
What the hell is going on ?
Just kidding !
This is an extremely interesting story, I need
to read your other stuff now--- this has me
curious . See, that`s the way a good writer
works---- Now you have me hooked.

---- John