Raise the Roofies On This Day of Jesus' Birth (Fa La La La Date Rape)

I wrote this in December and do not endorse date rape in any way.

A man and a woman are sitting on a couch. Beside the couch is a table with two glasses and a bottle. The music begins and the couple theatrically sings Baby It's Cold Outside.

WOMAN: I really can’t stay.

MAN: (Takes Woman's hand.) Baby, it’s cold outside.

WOMAN: (Takes her hand back and turns away.) I’ve got to go ‘way.

MAN: (Scoots closer and holds Woman's shoulders.) Baby, it’s cold outside.

WOMAN: (Turns back to Man.) The evening has been...

MAN: I’ve been hopin’ that you’d drop in.

The couples stands from the couch.

WOMAN: So very nice.

MAN: I’ll hold your hand, they’re just like ice. (Man takes her hand and spins Woman in.)

WOMAN: My mother will start to worry. (Spins back out.)

MAN: Hey beautiful, what’s your hurry.

WOMAN: And father will be pacing the floor.

MAN: Listen to that fireplace roar. (Walks away from couch toward table.)

WOMAN: So really, I’d better scurry. (Walks in opposite direction of Man and turns her back to him.)

MAN: Beautiful, please don’t hurry. (Turns his back to the audience and hovers over the two glasses suspiciously. Turns back holding the two glasses.)

WOMAN: (Turns back to Man and accepts a glass.) Well, maybe just a half a drink more.

MAN: Put some music on while I pour. (Sits back down.)

WOMAN: The neighbors might think. (Sit downs and takes a sip from her glass.)

MAN: Baby, it’s bad out there.

WOMAN: (Holds glass up to her eye.) Say what's in this drink?

MAN: No cabs to be had out there.

WOMAN: (Stops singing.) No, seriously. This tastes really weird. Did you put some... thing... in... (Woman's eyelids flutter and she drops her glass, slowly slipping from her seat onto the floor. Music fades out as she slips.)

MAN: (Matter of factly and leisurely sets down his glass and gets up from couch. He picks a fuzz off his sweater and then brushes off his sleeve. Turns to Woman and grabs her by the ankles. He drags her off stage while humming/whistling the tune.)

Reviews

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

Oh ggephart you amuse me. So funny, so young. Thanks for choosing to share here.

[Rasputin]

That was pretty damn funny. I used to hear this song forty or fifty times a day at work, so it's nice to see somebody lampoon the ever-living f**k out of it. Kudos to you.

[Chris]

The title gave it away of course... but it is stereotypical and expected. Being true doesn't make it less of a stereotype scene. But the real twist could have been the man passing out and the woman dragging him away with a cat got the canary look... its always the man ya know. The Butler always does it.

[Kyle]

Well....i wasnt expecting that! Holy crap. Nice way of making a wide turn in this write......I like it.

[Eagle Cruagh]

Excellent, very graphic, hold interest
buildup to the end.
Now write where a mob captures the
rapist and lynches him.
Excellent writing.
---- John

[Bare trees]

Wow, I've never read a stage play before. I can see it all in my head as the dialog went on. The end is chilling in the way the song with its upbeat and innocent theme contrasts the ultimate evil outcome. The innocence of the time the song was written is also a good contrast to the times we live in today. Great job.