Where I Am

This is about where I am right now in this moment in my life.

I'm going to the Mountain to see if he can tell me about who it is I truly am. I think sometimes I am a complete mess.
And at other times I have it all figured out.

I want so much, I feel I am here to help others.
But that can never happen if I don't heal myself first.

People think I am what my words say, but I am not that.
My words are created from gifts that are given to me, like mists they come to me and I formulate words from them. I go back and read them and learn from them just as anyone else. The words are what I want to become not what I am, they are like signs on the road to direct me but I don't always turn where the signs direct.

There are moments when clarity comes and I see clearly.
Then I take a step and I am knee deep in muddy water.
I must have compassion for this one who lives a life full of mistakes.

I must do ceremony to connect with Spirit that Spirit might teach me the true way to live, I must invite the energies into my being to bring me though this life where I am lost in mists of confusion.

One day I will forgive myself, but until then I grope along listening, learning, trying to find my way, but I will not give up, for in others I see it is possible to be a good, tender, joyous human being, who does not hurt, who does not betray himself, who has forgiven himself for all the wasted moments that could have made a difference in how he is now. There is s way, there is a way, and it has always, it has always, been. Last sentence from a song by my dear Trevor Hall.

I am so thankful for Trevor, Nahko, Mike Love, Brett Dennen who are the closest thing to religion that I hold so dear to my heart, they sustain me in this ever growing chaos of a world that we live in. GrandFather bless me to know I do not walk this path in vain, that I will one day find my way, and be confidently in my center not wavering from the pure light that you share with me.