Chapter One

He killed the messenger. At the time, I agreed with the decision. However, it has now occurred to me that no help is coming. Some priest thought there was something wrong with the Holy Catholic Church, so he nailed what he thought was wrong with the church to the door of a cathedral in Wittenberg. Now the rest of Europe is dealing with that while we deal with the impending Ottoman invasion on our own.

I wish I hadn’t backed killing the Ottoman messenger. Perhaps it wasn’t just that we had to pay a yearly tribute, and perhaps we needed the gold, but we failed to realize that no help would come to help our shambling army, an army that would be much stronger if we actually paid them. If we paid them they would then at least have a goal when fighting, rather than the cliche than for glory or honour. We are going to lose Belgrade.

****

On my way to a war council with his majesty, Louis II, I ponder how young the lad I call king is. He is fifteen years of age, not nearly mature enough to run our country, especially into war. I wonder if he realizes his immaturity. He often acts rashly, without much insight. I suppose that’s why he calls war councils so frequently, nearly every day. I wonder why I’m still on the council, as I oft disagree with the others. They believe we should act with force and charge the enemy, even when we have the opportunity to defend. For bandits, that works, for we need to weed them out of their camps, but if an army is coming for us we cannot afford to be aggressive.

****

As I walk into the oval room, much too large for the few men we have on council,  I can see two men sitting at a table that is much too large, bickering. Both men are also much too large. One of the men, sitting at the table, is Sir Abel Szabó, the captain of the royal guard. It is rather ironic that he is still technically a soldier, as he is rather soft hearted and soft bellied. Sir Szabó appears to actively counteract the stereotype that men with large amounts of power strive for more power, he is perfectly content the way he is right now.  He is trusted by the king, most likely because he also served the last king, Vladislaus II. He is a man that, to my knowledge, has never had to work hard a day in his life. However, that does not mean he doesn’t care about our country, he would stay with our country to the very end, an admirable feat even I could not say I am capable of. He is much older than me, by twenty-two years, fifty-four years of age to thirty-two years of age. Despite the age difference, him and I see eye to eye far more frequently than the other men on council. That’s not to say we do see eye to eye, he just attempts to see from my point of view.

“If someone is to ask for forgiveness from God above, there is no wrong he has committed,” states Sir Abel Szabó, in a very sincere manner.

The man Sir Szabó is bickering with, however, is Captain Csaba Lengyel, the man our king trusts with the vast majority of our army, I command the second and much smaller(by about five-thousand men) army. Captain Lengyel is a very different large than Sir Szabó, Captain Lengyel is hyperbolic in how muscular he is. He has had to work very hard to attain the amount of power he has now. From my knowledge he was a child soldier, enlisted into the military somewhere between the age of thirteen to seventeen. Well the war that he was drafted in was sixteen-years ago, or perhaps it was seventeen? No, sixteen. He’s thirty-one now. The age he was when he was drafted was sixteen. No, fifteen. Fifteen. Bingo. He rose through the ranks quickly for a child soldier, he got his first promotion at the age of twenty-one, then twenty-two, then twenty-five, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, then finally thirty when the position he took opened up.

“Easy enough for someone in your position to say, when was the last time you had one of your men desert? When was the last time one of your men betrayed our King? Our God? Our Hungary?” retorts Captain Csaba Lengyel, with much pride.

“Ah, Sir Jósika,” Sir Szabó gestures towards me with his beefy hands, I hold my breath in fear that he will ask my opinion, “What are your thoughts on the matter? I assume you have heard enough of our conversation to know the subject at hand?”  

“I very much hope that no matter the crime it is possible to be forgiven,” I respond with sincerity, and relief that I thought of something to answer with, “If not, well I’m afraid I’ve no hope,” I add with a chuckle.

“As witty as that is, I would appreciate you answer the question with some sincerity,” Sir Szabó insists with a reluctant smile.

“Well, the truth is I haven’t given the topic too much thought,” I reply with earnest, “however, I do believe that a crime is a crime, and if someone is to commit a crime they should be punished.”

“Well spoken, Sir Jósika,” Captain Lengyel adds triumphantly with a smile. It is not often that he agrees with what I am saying, as he does not respect my opinion very often.

“Unless,” I continue, praying that Captain Lengyel will not start yelling at me, “I suppose they have taken action to undo their wrongs, that should be punishment enough. Simply asking for forgiveness, well, any man is capable of that.”

“Well, huh, I suppose so,” Sir Szabó stammers in uncomfortably.

“In the case of banditry and murder, the only way to redeem oneself is by killing for your king and country,” Sir Imre Horvát, the official advisor to the king, shares as he enters the room.

Sir Horvát, in contrast to the other two, is a lanky man. While the Sir Szabó more closely resembles a cow, and Captain Lengyel resembles a bear, Sir Horvát, on the other hand, would be more akin to a banana. Sir Horvát is an old man, at the age of sixty. He also served the previous king, along with Sir Szabó. He helped our country have many great triumphs, lately, however, he has not been of much great help despite still being the king’s most trusted ally. He has given great advice such as the following, allowing Louis II to have full power at a young age, to behead anyone on the war council that either arrived late, or was unavailable to make it to a singular meeting(this law was rebuked conveniently when Sir Horvát himself started arriving late for various reasons), that Louis II should have a child to ensure his bloodline when he took power at the age of ten with the women that was Louis II wet nurse(this, thankfully, did not happen), and, of course, to kill the Ottoman messenger.

“Unacceptable. How come all of his majesties most trusted men, save for me of course, have no sense of duty?” Captain Lengyel argues, getting more rambunctious with every word spoken. “Perhaps redeeming yourself is enough in the eyes of God, but never in the eyes of your country, especially your King.”

“Silence,” His majesty Louis II interrupts before Captain Lengyel can go any further. “We’ve important, yet brief, matters to discuss.” Louis II starts pacing towards the end of the table. He is a small yet plump boy, especially for being fifteen years of age. He has incredibly long blond locks that resemble a ladies doo, which only accentuates how immature he appears. “The Ottomans are marching for Belgrade. How many men are held in Belgrade?”

“Only seven-hundred men my lord,” replies Captain Lengyel with confidence as if expecting a reward for being so prepared, but almost cutting his majesty Louis II off.

Sir Horvát always second guesses himself, which causes him to constantly look deep in thought. He always looks satisfied after he has finally thought of a solution to whatever problem he has to solve. At this very moment, he has one of those expressions, and Louis II notices and addresses him, “What do you suggest that we do?”

“Send reinforcements at once. The Ottomans have the head start, but if they have taken Belgrade, they won’t expect a counter attack so soon,” comes out of his mouth, I only just now notice, resembles a duck bill.

“Abandon Belgrade, but defend the rest of our land, trap them in Belgrade,” I let slip out of my mouth. My face turning bright mahogany with regret. I prepare for the roast.

“Pardon me? You wish to simply let the Ottomans have our main citadel, leaving the rest of Hungary ripe for the picking?” Captain Lengyel’s anger clearly returning to him. I always dread our war council for this very reason, even if I was not the one who angered him, he takes it out on everyone, save for the king of course.

“Your majesty,” Sir Szabó chimes in with the voice of reason, “I do believe that what Captain Jósika is saying is not all wrong.” I nod towards Sir Szabó in appreciation.

“We shall send reinforcements at once. Captain Jósika you and your men shall march to Belgrade when morning comes. Captain Lengyel, you have more men under your command, do as Captain Jósika suggested. End of discussion!” Louis stands up and exits the council room.

I quickly follow him to avoid the tradition Captain Lengyel has of yelling uncontrollably at me whenever we disagree.

Reviews

[Francis Bernath]

Hello. I like the concept of your story. I have not studied much Hungarian history so this new world, this struggle, is quite intriguing for me. I like to do pros and cons lists so I hope it helps.

CONS:
1. Small grammatical and punctuation problems. Nothing a good read through won't fix.
2. It reads a lot like a briefing. Maybe it is the formality of the issue but I feel like it's less of a story and more of a list, or perhaps a constant back and forth? I'm not sure but I think it could read more smoothly if you were to use a different tone with each set of dialog. The person speaking puts more of their personality into it so you get a strong sense of who is talking and what kind of conversation is going on. You definitely don't want the reader to get lost.
3. The last thing is just minor sentence fragments. I see them littered about and I have to point them out. You don't want run-on sentences but you definitely don't want short stubby ones that don't really portray a point or any sort of fluid motion within the narration itself.

PROS:
1. Great subject matter. Not many people know much about this portion of history and being right after the "Lutheran" movement also puts into perspective the world in which the characters inhabit.
2. I like the character descriptions and the overall variety of characters so far. I like some characters and dislike others and I have a solid sense of what these characters are about without knowing it all at once. Makes me want to read more.
3. The main character, Josika, had a personality I can see and I like the way his personality and personal views shape the world around him. It is important to see these other characters through his eyes and gain an understanding of who he is through such descriptions. His tone is laid back but he isn't dismissive. It is a great perspective!

Overall I really liked the concept and definitely plan on continuing reading. Good job!