A struggle to acceptance

On the eve of my 20th birthday, I was two things: first, a girl who did not feel her self-worth; and second, a girl on the verge of suicide. Not exactly how I planned to celebrate my birthday, since I was the type of person who loved to celebrate it even though things didn't go my way.

On the eve of my 20th birthday, I stayed up until 12 midnight. I was all by myself in my room. The rest of the world had gone to sleep, probably even forgotten that I have existed. I downloaded an app in iTunes that sang you a "Happy Birthday" song in French. Even if I was at the lowest point at that time, I felt that I had to keep it classy (and a bit pretentious, admittedly).

On the eve of my 20th birthday, the sound of a birthday song from an iPhone and tears running down my face put me to sleep. I didn't feel the point of it all anymore - I even searched online for ways to go painlessly. But I was already tired, and figured that I should sleep it off.

Over the course of my 20th year, I realized three things: first, I didn't have to be alone; second, I was okay being alone; and third, I was okay with myself. I had to fight with myself for a whole year to realize those things. I had to accept certain things even if I didn't necessarily agreed to them. But now, I feel as though the weight has been lifted, and I have become more accepting with who I am.

On my 20th year on Earth, I slowly accepted myself, flaws and all. I hope that you realize that you have worth.