Loud Silence

Aftermath of a relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder, borderline, and anti social personality disorder

Your noise was in my ears
Every day
Every hour
Call after call
Your noise permeated my brain
Week after week
Month after month
Second by second
Your screams
Your demands
Your impatience
Your insistence
Your voice
I became used to that noise
I thought it was mine
Your thoughts mixed with mine
Out brains intertwined
I knew it was wrong
Someplace deep inside
But your noise felt like solace
From the storm
That was my life
I thought I could calm it
Quiet the storm
That was your brain
I tried to sing to it
Softly like falling rain
But your noise just got louder
Without the soft tones
In between the yells
That were there at the beginning
When your noise first
Entered my world...
Then one day it all stopped
And your noise went away
There was no more insisting
And no more insane rants
It was silence
Loud silence
Such a silence
It knocked me to my knees
Silence so loud
Like I'd never known before
Such a loud violent silence
No sound on the phone
I don't know what caused it
But the channel just changed
To static that hinted
At the noise that once raged

Reviews

[Fireyphoenix]

Damn!!!! That is heavy! Such a familiar sound!

[Glen Weimann]

Me again - I'm having a surf around WC! I like this, though 'like' is not the ideal word. The stream of consciousness that comes from the flow phrases paints a very disturbing picture. The loudness of the silence part is equally well and evocatively done, in my view. The only thing I'm wondering is where are the last 6/10 lines that deal with the later on or the now. For me, I feel like I've been left hanging ... yes ... so the silence really 'raged' but since then ....? And then I read your reply to Coyote, which answered a lot of this as regards the real situation rather than the poem (I'm really glad you came out of it safely), but I still wonder if the poem should have a sort of post-script.

Regards
Nigel

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Whoa, intense write. Amazingly written has great feeling vibed!

[gentlekindness]

Thank you for reading it and taking the time to give the thoughtful comment.
I will come read some of yours.
Blessings,
Annie

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

You're most welcome!
Thank you!

[Coyote Poetry]

I felt the feeling of insanity and the voices. Sound of things needed and not. Rage heavy upon mind surrounded. Thank you dear friend for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[gentlekindness]

Hi John,
I can see how you took it that way. One of the great things about poetry is that the words can speak to individual people in ways that are meaningful to them,
But actually this was a real person I used to date. ...a psychopath with borderline personality disorder, I suspect.
He used to keep me on the phone for hours and hours and hours...just taking about how everyone was unacceptable to him. NO one did what he wanted.
Often he would break into a crazy rage and scream ..sometimes put the phone down on the bed and walk around the room screaming....and if I did not do things he wanted...or disagreed with him...or god forbid I offered a suggestion to help him...he would threaten to stab scissors into his neck...or to bang his head...and did I want to make him do that.?? ...
Eventually he discarded me. Traumatizing the way it went down at the time....but truthfully it put me on a better path that I probably would never have gotten on if it
had not happened.
But I think of him from time to time....usually late at night,,,you know how it is....
Missing his voice even though he used to dominate and monologue for hours...

Silly how we can miss something that was so bad for us,..

I remember the silence being so loud for weeks..months after that,
I used to have to listen to youtube videos on my cell...while I wrote on my blog at the same time.

I was so used to the noise constantly in my ear....I would get anxiety attacks unless I had at least 2 things going at the same time. I could not just sit and write...like I am right now.

But life is a path and we meet who me meet and learn along the way...

Much love
Annie

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree. Writing allow the reader to grasp what he need.

[sinNsincerity]

Sounds like me in a sense...
Narcissus looking for his Echo...

[gentlekindness]

It is so interesting how different people are getting different pictures from this poem. I like to write things to be specifically vague sometimes, because it speaks to different people in just the way they need it to.

Thank you for reading. For the actual story behind this one...see the response I wrote to John Coyote above.
Looking forward to reading more of yours.