Jokes On Me

We've been a victim of our own actions. We laugh with cruelty in our words until we wake up one day and all those things we said finds it's way back to our dirty hearts, beating us with realization.

Something sinister is swarming beneath my skin. 
The words like an unlit cigarette tucked between my lips. 
Trying to beat the allegations of Judas kiss. 
Because I thought I know my map. 

But no child can trace their own mind or memorize the beating of their own heart. 
I'm becoming my worst fear.
All the Herculean efforts to build my gear
vanished in a year.
I bent my bones to ride with the waves. 
Only to end up in a deserted grave, 
Holding nothing but broken dreams,
only my eyes can see. 

I stood, stepping on my own virtue,
Face stained with sophisticated dirt.
So, I wander in wonderland.
having the best days of my life. 
I laughed with tattoed tears in my cheeks. 
As I'm dying to figure out suffering's mystique.
Unbeknownst to me that -
Maybe I'm the psycho sick Catholic priest in history. 
Full of hope and misery.

I laughed with the devils and
It was just a matter of time,
Till my own jokes killed me.