old pain is your new inspiration

I wrote all of this about my ex girlfriend and the endless pain i can't forget they're separate entries, but they're all about one person

1)
it wasn't so bad but then again the fact that no one you knew understood still drowns you back in to the doubt of pain that you already know so well.It's like a really bad dream you can't wake up from. You would want to scream but it comes out as a yawn. You want to cry but it just comes out as a slap on the back of a brand new sunburn. Your eyes wander around and gaze into the nothingness that is your everday life. The last thing on your mind is your heart telling you that you don't have anything left for anyone anymore. You are always used to this sort of thing but your soul is aching to you. It's churning, burning like hot fire, an angst that can never go away will always haunt your dreams forever. And when you realize that this is all over, that is before anything begins, you realize that you were still thinking about the fact that no one understands.

2)
If there were an actual reason for everything happening the way it does..why does it?
and is it really unevitable? can we really not stop it?
what else is there worth fighting for when no one wants to even fight your ideals and your beliefs and shove their own ideas in your face...
why does it all have to end out this way..
why does it happen time after time, pain after pain, why does it always end up like that?

if you had the chance, would you change it?
would you mold it to what you yourself want or would it be for someone else?
why do I keep typing like this? like I need more and more questions?
why do they tell me I'm such a good listener but I can't give advice for s**t?
why does it fall apart every time I pick it back up and leave it alone?

why did she leave me? why did she turn her back on me..
why does it feel like she betrayed me?

3)
more and more it haunts me ever again...
thinking what just made my mind snap...
what made me stop caring enough to let her go....what made me stop...
man if I didn't mess it up so bad...I'd still be talking to her right now....

the way she just stopped talking...the way I 've been trying to get my life back on track.
the way she just stopped wanting to know me..or have anything to do with me...
it makes me sick to my stomach...
while I was still employed..I couldn't think of anything more but that...
over and over and over again...after every cigarette break..after every single day..
it just kept haunting me again...
why didn't I pick up the phone and call her?
why didnt I just ask someone for her number...
why didn't I just care more for her like she needed it...?
Why couldn't I just be there for her...

it's simple...
I know it's what she herself wouldn't have wanted...
I bet if I go to her and ask her it right now...
If I called her right now...and showed up right outside her door..
her cold shoulder could tell me more than ever
"everything" I could've ever wanted to hear about "everything"

(old and recycled..I bet 'hayame'  knows where all this is from ^^ )

Author's Note

make cookies!

Reviews

[Hayame]

Yes, Hayame knows everything ! Heehee.

But on a serious note, you could write song lyrics. Actually pt. 1 & 2 remind me of a Luna Sea song, (I love Luna Sea