8 Things Women Who Wear Head-to-Toe Black Are Tired Of Hearing

A Poem by gemmaduca

With the exception of blue jeans here and there, I am usually cloaked head-to-toe in black. I mean, I believe in shades, like dark gray and charcoal, when it comes to wearing all black, but that’s as

I am talking bracelets, shoes, bras, undies, belts, scarves, socks �" the whole shebang. Sure, all-black dressing is a staple of many NYC style mavens and Big Apple dwellers, but we’re not the only ones. Still, for whatever insane reason, wearing all black still makes people assume you are gothic, depressed, dressing for a funeral, or that you have some sort of terrible disorder that makes you shake with fear at the sight of a bright t-shirt.

For me, and likely for many fellow all-black wearers, none of the above are true. I prefer the monochromatic look with some gradations of the shade �" seriously, gray is okay and is in the black family �" because it’s chic. Plus, it requires a degree of creativity to make a limited palette look fresh and punchy, and I happen to take a great amount of pride in my ability to style layers and layers of noir.

Hey, all you color-wearers of the world, I’m not throwing any disrespect your way. But, the next time your pal shows up in a decidedly dark ensemble, maybe hold back on making any of these eight comments us all-black-everything girls are definitely sick of hearing.

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1. “Don’t You Get Bored?”

Just because someone wears all black does not equal fashion boredom or even style laziness. In fact, it inspires you to be more creative with your choices to put together a unique outfit. Plus, black is classic and it goes with everything, making pairing options basically limitless. Plus, if I was bored with wearing black, don’t you think I’d venture into other colors?

2. “Why Are You So Morbid?”

Yes, black is the universally accepted color of funeral attire here in the US, but it’s also the color of fancy, “black tie” events. So considering an all-black wardrobe “morbid” is only thinking about one of the many purposes of the color. In reality, this classic shade is totally versatile.

3. “Hey, Are You Depressed?”

Why does black equal “depressed?” Why can’t it equal “pulled together” or “confident”? My mother constantly says that my choice to attire myself in all black makes her wonder if I’m down in the dumps, which I can assure you I am not. Life is better with an all-black wardrobe and I am at my most confident when wearing a sleek, black ensemble.

4. “Don’t You Like Color?”

Sure, that’s what lipstick, lip gloss, blush, eye shadow, nail polish are for �" adding some color to my style and ensemble in a secondary way.

5. “How Do You Match Blacks?”

By using your eyes! You just have to be creative which shades of black to coordinate. In an all-black outfit, this can be a bit of a challenge, but it’s one that is easy to overcome when you eyeball it. Mixing up textures helps too.

6. “Aren’t You Worried About Your Dog Shedding On You?”

Sure, it’s a little annoying, but lint rollers are cheap and totable. Or you can just wipe the palm over your hand over your pants or shirt or coat and errant hairs go bye-bye. That’s such a minor headache.

7. “But You Would Look So Cute In Pink! Why Don’t You Just Try It?”

Ugh with a side of ugh. A former co-worker (who I generally adore) was a pink fanatic and was always busting my balls about wearing black, saying a hint of pink via a scarf or socks would take my look to another level. Yeah, no. I’ve tried pink. I don’t like it. Another instance of attempted force pigment infusion? My mom went to Mexico and returned with a pair of green flip flops for me, since I always wear black ones. While I can appreciate her sentiment and her line of thinking of not wanting to buy me something that I already have multiples of, I wear black because that’s what I like and green flip flips would either sit in the closet or be donated. When she went to Italy a few years later, she nabbed me this most amazing black scarf, which I wear all the time.

8. “You’re Not Going To Wear A Black Dress At Your Wedding Though, Right?”

Um, yes. I totally am. That sounds awesome.

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