Nullification

why does he have to be the fighter?
why does he have to fight this persistent ache?

this persistent ache that will never leave
him alone, leave him be

why can't the medication murder it?
why can't the simple act of writing
quell it permanently?
why does it take several shots and
several tugs to catch the dragon's tail?

stuck at the intersection of
Arizona 85 and Arizona 86,
the shape formed by them that is

permanently, and waiting for
the desert sun to do some damage
to his person and his spirit,
because it's quicker than the
ache taking it's sweet f*****g time

even the simple act of petting his
black cat does little to ease
his foreboding, his bad luck,
like bad luck is his constant companion

all of the hours of music listened to,
all of the poems scrawled and typed,
all of the yanking and expelling,
the dull, persistent ache remains
until he becomes yet another
statistic, another member of the
thirty-five thousand people that
couldn't take that ache anymore,
the ache that never leaves,
the ache that is beyond being
the unwelcome house guest

this is his life on the exponential
death curve that never fully reaches
zero, the horizontal axis in other words
but the limit approaches infinity

it feels like infinity for him,
a never-ending slide into the abyss

let the abyss eat me, he says,
because all the help this life
has to offer is null and void

nullification is his best friend

Reviews

[roarke]

This sets a convincing depressed mood. The flurry of questions at the beginning and no answers to follow. It's not full blown abject, where destruction is immediate, but gnawing, torturing, the mind's devil-works that dissolve sanity like acid.
This is one of the strongest parts:
"stuck at the intersection of
Arizona 85 and Arizona 86,
the shape formed by them that is

permanently, and waiting for
the desert sun to do some damage
to his person and his spirit,
because it's quicker than the
ache taking it's sweet f*****g time"

my only question in this piece is, "where does nullification go?" nullifying cancels out, neutralizes, so the event/action stops... now what? or is there a what and that's part of the agony of the repetitive condition...

A reoccurring theme for you, each write exposes more, refines it... I do the same on a few ranting themes myself... where does it lead? ... hopefully to more writes, lol.

[Emily B]

I've been wandering too close to nullification lately to suit me . . . I feel your null and void