Tosh

Boredom created this opportunity,
the opportunity to b***h-slap Daniel Tosh
into oblivion before he has a chance
to incite over a million people
to secede and become the
world's fifth-largest nuclear power.

Five years ago, Tosh was ranting
about how South Dakota
was full of ugly girls
because the state was
trying to outlaw
a woman's right to choose,
even though the state
held a vote and
the will of the people
wanted to be expressed.

They wanted women
to carry a fetus to term,
they wanted to see all
human life has a chance of
existing even though
a bunch of liberal activist judges
felt otherwise.

And yet, if he had the chance,
Tosh will probably show shots
of the Missouri floodwaters
hitting Pierre and Yankton,
drowning them into nothingness,
on his Comedy Central show,
and he'd take the full time calling
the citizens of South Dakota
ugly, regressive and malicious
and this is what happens
when a state violates the will
of Tosh's liberal version of God.

And then he would spread
his vitriol to North Dakota
and call us the New Orleans
of the North.

He would ask rhetorically,
why the f**k would a bunch of
demented lutefisk-and-lefse lovers
want to live in a cold, boring place?

Why the f**k would the media
spend any time on North Dakota?

He would answer,
white bias,
all because white people
deserve what they get
for keeping the
other races down.

Of course, this is a
hypothetical piece
but I could imagine
Daniel Tosh saying
something that
would get him
booted off of
Comedy Central,
but bashing the
Midwest states
doesn't seem
to show up on
the station's
liberal-leaning radar.

Yet, he can say
what he wants and
not get in trouble
because people
think he's funny,
but when I
open my mouth,
I get in trouble
because I'm
not funny enough
and
liberal enough
to be respected
by mainstream media outlets.

Double standards
never seem to
work both ways.

Author's Note

Daniel Tosh is a comedian who is one of the meanest people I've heard. He's made some nasty remarks about the midwestern states like South Dakota and Nebraska, and I imagined him making fun of the Dakotas in light of the current flooding problems. He hasn't made any public remarks about them, but I can imagine him doing it. This is the result of my imaginings.