Three Angles, Three Angels

My lament

Alex, Aaron and Adrian

Angle, Angle, Angle

Three angles that form
my triangle of sorrow

And the level of frustration,
is the level of magnification,
the kind of transformation

And every triangle is similar,
even though the scale factor
changes yearly, monthly,
weekly, daily, hourly,
even by the minute,
even by the second

Yesterday and earlier today,
the triangle of sorrow had
a scale factor between the
values of zero and one

And after the service,
the one where the exorcist
had donned the envious frock
because were are in the cycle
of ordinary time, the scale factor
had been jacked up to eleven like
the amp in Spinal Tap

The third time
is said to be
the charmed time,
but not this
time around

The exorcist spoke
from the heart,
inspired by the choice
of fire or water
from the pages of Sirach
and where the soul
would be sent
if a man did not
teach the edicts,
plainly spoken
in the verses
of Matthew’s
fifth chapter

Either I worship
the Trinitarian triangle
or else I’ll be burning
in the garbage pit
outside of Jerusalem,
the one called Gehenna

It’s feel like
deception and
extortion to me

Deception
because my
spouse’s womb
is a safe place and
she’d never willingly
abort her children

Extortion
because my
three boys
(or two sons
and daughter)
are in heaven
awaiting my arrival
and praying happily
in the communion of saints

The committed ones
tell me that sitting
in church doesn’t
mean you’re a
Christian
anymore than
sitting in a garage
makes you a car

And I tell
them I don’t
enjoy being
under the thumb
of a dictator
I can’t escape

My triangle of sorrow
has been amplified,
and it hasn’t inspired me
to make the
one-hundred-eighty degree
rotation necessary to be
called a conversion of heart

And when I pass,
some priest committed
to the conservative line
will rant about my disbelief
and recalcitrance as a
similar s**t-for-brains
did at my grandfather’s
prayer service

At least my grandfather
was honest enough
to go out believing
in a creator of some kind

Maybe his good works
here on Earth were enough
for him to have a
permanent audience
with my three babies

And maybe
this is why
my spouse
still has faith,
but I need
simplicity
and
hard facts
which may
explain why
my grandfather’s
old analytic
geometry textbook
came in the mail today

On the back cover
written his hand
was the triple-angle
identity for cosine,
which may be
a sign after all

A sign from
a divine being
that loves me
enough to
let me live
and die,
a being that
doesn’t need
to be prayed to
and a being
that isn’t
hell-bent on
doling out
divine justice

Whatever the truth,
my triangle of sorrow
has been scaled down
a few degrees,
but my heart
still murmurs
because the pain
is still fresh from
Tuesday morning.

Alex, Aaron and Adrian

Angle, Angle, Angle

I love you, my three little angels.

Reviews

[John Jackson (El Juero)]

Your are, well, amazing. My heart goes out to you and the Angels, and mind my enthralled with this beautifully written masterpiece.
I am so glad to know you. I appreciate the bravery and candor of these art pieces you so freely share.
Thank you!

[Liza]

i have always been fascinated by triangles (angles) and angels - this was a joy to read in the sense of your logic and creativity - turning sadness into strength of a spirit's memory- those miscarriages were spirits still alive...i sensed where the angles stood (as in the balance of power) - triangles seem to be everywhere - and so does the angelic force we call upon in our lives when dealing with others - how sometimes i long to be on top of the pyramid and others i wish to not be part of it at all - circles seem more promising...sometimes.

[Teri B]

Again, the pain and the anger hit me hard here!

[Aleyah]

wow, real quirky! But I enjoyed this, it was very melancholic at parts, but still contained a good flow & the subject was deep and made me think. great piece, very touching :)

[Tate Morgan]

I am sorry to read of this it tears my heart out