Salt Water

Salt Water

A Poem by gcp
"

Night Swimming

"

The beachfront is strange in the dark - you can hardly see the sand or the sea and it looks like the world just ends - I walked out into the sea last night - it was f*****g freezing - I like the way the waves hit my body - I like the power of it - the way it pushes me -  sometimes I could love the sea - dark, cold, indifferent to how I feel - and yet - I like the way it touches me - the way it holds my body and sucks me down into some other world.


Sometimes I’d like to go down - let the salt water in my mouth - I could go down and never come up again…


I held my breath until it burned in me and I surfaced coughing water - I left my clothes on the rocks - and when I came out the wind was even colder than the sea - I had to wait for ages for the night to dry my body - I didn't want to dress while wet and get the sand and salt water in my clothes - I sat naked on the rocks looking at the sky and I thought of you - of the dirty little words that we share - they kept me warm.

© 2013 gcp


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Featured Review

A. Love the theme. I'm a nautical man - I often write about the sea and such, and I really like what you're doing here with the scene.

B. I love the reflection. You really get specific and I feel like I'm there at the beach at midnight.

Skinny dipping in the ocean at night is something only the youth can do! And even then, it's a little nuts cause it's FREEZING!!!

I really enjoyed the way it ended - it wraps up nicely.

Some things could perhaps be cut out (like "wait for ages") but overall I dug it.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

gcp

11 Years Ago

AWw thanks - I'm glad it stuck a chord :) Yeah - it can be really cold - but that's part of the fun.. read more



Reviews

Sea salt cures the body of flu
Synthetic clothes confines the comet in you
Dirty words soil the eardrums of a few
Gettin wet just to dry anew.
You take time to write t'me...thank you..

Posted 11 Years Ago


gcp

11 Years Ago

:) A comment in poem form :) Thanks :)

poetry-kiddo alienbaba

11 Years Ago

yes
Nice descriptive piece.

Posted 11 Years Ago


gcp

11 Years Ago

Thanks :)
The word "F*****g" ruined it for me. It seems out of place with the rest of the poem, as though you're trying to identify with those your age or something. That's not a critique, it's just an opinion. The rest of the poem is fine and and I like the descriptions which conjure up images we can relate to. I like the sense of mood throughout too.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Relic

11 Years Ago

It is your choice. I'm only making a suggestion to a really good poem. Others may disagree with me. .. read more
gcp

11 Years Ago

;) Well - I guess that you assumed I'm young enough to not count as an adult could be taken as sly f.. read more
Relic

11 Years Ago

I agree completely. Cursing in poetry has its uses for certain poets. There are books dedicated to r.. read more
I like the way you let your thoughts flow.. what you like about the sea is a great read really... I am a person who uses a lot of vivid imagery in my work... it makes the entire setting come to life... Keep it going..

Posted 11 Years Ago


gcp

11 Years Ago

Thanks - I'm glad you enjoyed the flow :)

Thanks for reading :)
Now that's a really nice write... I liked how it 'crept' to the final lines making use of that "warmth".

*bird*

Posted 11 Years Ago


gcp

11 Years Ago

Thanks :-) Glad you liked it.... nice to weave in a little undercurrent :-)
It lifted me back to my adolescence - when the forbidden night sea would beckon me with a passion that's indescribable, and I'd want to spend hours alone at the terrace of the seaside lodge, taking in the moist breeze and the murmur of the coconut trees lining the beach.

One point - since you've categorized this piece as a poem, do you think a bit of rearrangement of the lines could make it look less prosaic?

Posted 11 Years Ago


gcp

11 Years Ago

:-) Yeah, or even just having an 'Other' category would be good.. it'd catch anything that doesn't f.. read more
gcp

11 Years Ago

:-) Yeah, or even just having an 'Other' category would be good.. it'd catch anything that doesn't f.. read more
Antara Kundu

11 Years Ago

:-) Yeah you're right. I'll put this as a suggestion to Writers Cafe is such a feature is available.
The sea is ambivalent to us - and to all life - yet we attribute all manner of moods to it, as if it has a conciousness. I think it is the neutrality that draws us to seek reflections of both joys and misgivings because there is no judgement involved - only our own. I love the bonding quality of your piece, Pete. The plain language adds to the relaxed, accepting mindset. P.


Posted 11 Years Ago


gcp

11 Years Ago

Aww thank you. Yeah, I guess the nature of the sea is that in many ways it reflects ourselves back t.. read more
As we share the sea with the rest of life we are the only mamal to shed salty tears The sound of the waves beating like a heart. From our own bodies it is obvious that when we get to the sea we are truly just going home

Posted 11 Years Ago


gcp

11 Years Ago

:) that's a nice thought - I do like to spend a lot of time in the water :)
I like that it matters not if this is fiction or real life. I feel the read as if it were exactly what you did last night. You have a gift for story telling. Thank you for taking me away from my desk and into the currents of the tides with you.

Posted 11 Years Ago


gcp

11 Years Ago

Thanks for joining me in a little night-swimming :) I'm glad you enjoyed it - thanks for reading :)
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MAC
has that journal feeling to it which makes it all the better. my first read of you and i must say it won't be my last

Posted 11 Years Ago


gcp

11 Years Ago

:) Thanks - glad to know it hooked your attention ;) Thanks for reading :)

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1020 Views
22 Reviews
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Added on March 11, 2013
Last Updated on March 11, 2013
Tags: sea, water, night, swimming, ocean, salt, dirty, romance, hope, drowning, power

Author

gcp
gcp

Spain



About
Guarda la rosas, no estoy muerta Dejé una espina bajo tu cama Rebecca 'Pete' McPhearson is a hobo-gypsy, currently living in the back of a car somewhere in central Europe. She likes to list.. more..

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