The beachfront is strange in the dark - you can hardly see the sand or the sea and it looks like the world just ends - I walked out into the sea last night - it was f*****g freezing - I like the way the waves hit my body - I like the power of it - the way it pushes me - sometimes I could love the sea - dark, cold, indifferent to how I feel - and yet - I like the way it touches me - the way it holds my body and sucks me down into some other world.
Sometimes I’d like to go down - let the salt water in my mouth - I could go down and never come up again…
I held my breath until it burned in me and I surfaced coughing water - I left my clothes on the rocks - and when I came out the wind was even colder than the sea - I had to wait for ages for the night to dry my body - I didn't want to dress while wet and get the sand and salt water in my clothes - I sat naked on the rocks looking at the sky and I thought of you - of the dirty little words that we share - they kept me warm.
A. Love the theme. I'm a nautical man - I often write about the sea and such, and I really like what you're doing here with the scene.
B. I love the reflection. You really get specific and I feel like I'm there at the beach at midnight.
Skinny dipping in the ocean at night is something only the youth can do! And even then, it's a little nuts cause it's FREEZING!!!
I really enjoyed the way it ended - it wraps up nicely.
Some things could perhaps be cut out (like "wait for ages") but overall I dug it.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
AWw thanks - I'm glad it stuck a chord :) Yeah - it can be really cold - but that's part of the fun.. read moreAWw thanks - I'm glad it stuck a chord :) Yeah - it can be really cold - but that's part of the fun in a way.
Yeah - I agree, a few loose words still hanging about - I like to trim them out where I can - perhaps I'll have another little prune, get rid of a few more...
Such an erotic theme presented in such a classy way, and you couldn't have picked a more appropriate medium: the sea! Great visual imagery, you took me right there. You're right, it was cold.
We left the safety of water to come into this weird life.. some never forget - you just have to be one. There's a natural language to your poem, no pretentious phrases but honest well.tuned emotions, and beautifully graphic: '.. and I thought of you - of the dirty little words that we share - they kept me warm.' How real and blissful is that!
Guarda la rosas, no estoy muerta
Dejé una espina bajo tu cama
Rebecca 'Pete' McPhearson is a hobo-gypsy, currently living in the back of a car somewhere in central Europe. She likes to list.. more..