Carousel

Inspired by a group; carried on by the love I have for my daughter.

 

I watched her go around on the carousel                   

Her smile mixed with the music playing

She waved to me awaiting my attention

Memories of her laughing and caramel

 

Her straight flaxen hair tossed over her shoulder

The lights reflect her hair like diamonds

She searches for me each time it goes about

My daughter’s eyes never looked happier

 

In a flash I vanished into the masses

A frantic fear washed upon her face

Scrutinizing every person intensely

Her joyous expression quickly passes

 

I see the panic as the gears keep turning;

chasing her to catch her fleeting look

Her eyes convene with mine and I see her calm

She relaxed and her smile was returning

 

The carousel progressively measured down

The smile still impressed upon her cheeks

She waved and smiled as she dismounted the horse

She talked about the ride until sundown

 

The carousel eternally held special

Magically a wonder to observe

Listen carefully as the music plays on

The children laughing turning ethereal

Author's Note

I love this piece.

Reviews

[Kris]

I want to like this piece. The imagery of a carousel wants to be strong, but it is never fully realized. You never describe the lights, the animals, the music. You mention that she rides a horse, but what kind of horse? Is it a big carousel? A tiny one only for children? Is the music fast or slow? Those visuals could be the backbone to this piece but it just never comes together.

You (somewhat) describe the girl, but even she could use some fleshing out. You say she has flaxen hair and her eyes glitter like diamonds. That's the most imagery you use in this piece, and strictly speaking, it's somewhat cliched. I think there's a lot of emotion buried in this piece which gives it potential, but it's very lacking as far as visuals and real frenetic OOMF.

Also, please rethink your rhyme scheme. I'm not a fan of rhyme schemes in general but I'm an avid enemy of bad rhyme schemes. Rhyming words like returning and turning make me see red.

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Well deserving of the Win. As I read your Carousel, I couldn't help remembering my own little girl riding the carousel for the first time without me standing next to her. Her hair wasn't flaxin, it was dark and it danced in the breeze. Her glee of the house beneath her was an amazing thing to watch. Thanks for bringing back that memory of more than thirty years ago.


The ending completed it so nicely



The carousel eternally held special

Magically a wonder to observe

Listen carefully as the music plays on

The children laughing turning ethereal


WELL DONE!!

[NightDream]

Perfect. A true vivd delight to read. You have managed to capture the atmosphere and emotion of both childhood and life perfectly. It goes well with my fair piece as well. This piece brought a smile to my face each time I read it. Thank you

[Nely Amorim]

I must confess I've never been on a carousel :( sadly there was never one around when i was a child..lol but this poem certainly brings the images to life for me. a very nicely written piece and thank you for sharing it :)

[Legion]

I love it too. Very visual and I love a good carousel as well. By the way, who was the group? Well done.

[angelina neves]

I also love this piece! :) very Beautiful!

[Silver_Moon]

This is really wonderful. Your poetry caught the emotions of both parent and child. I remember how I felt when I was a child and how my nephew looked like when I tried to tease him by hiding among the people. :)

Well done! :D

[Mark D. Chevalier]

Brings me back to a time as a small boy, and my mom letting me ride the carousel. I was able to feel the emotions of love and joy in this piece. It allowed me to think back and smell the cotton candy, falling into a time when adult worries had not yet taken hold.

Absolutely wonderful!

Mark

[Helena]

Oh, this was so beautiful! Very well written and you captured
the mixed feelings joy and trepidation of both children and parents associated with
with magic of carousels.

This brought back vividly my memories of being on one when I was a child
and I too remember going though all the emotions you penned so
eloquently in this piece.

Good job!

Thanks for submitting this beauty to the Forum Word Contest!