Insecurity

Emotion in progress of resolution to own oneself.

Anger brought on by insecurity,

Is like reading a book about nonsense, only to find the pages were written backwards and in a foreign language.  The feelings can consume you as a fire consumes the gentle pine and turns it to ash.

The feeling is real, solid, and tangible; like the earth as it steadily erodes and shakes your stability as you stand upon it with your naked and dirty feet.  The earth leaving you hanging on the periphery like a tree on the river’s edge awaiting its turn to fall and be swept away forever. 

You struggle to listen to well-intentioned and good hearted friends as they post the warning signs on the current road you are traveling. However, as their messages of your foolishness and self-sabotage fill you with frustration to the point you want to scream, you realize your screaming is muffled and silenced by their truth.  Naturally, you are forced to scream in the sound proof room of your mind categorized as “justification”, but it brings you no solace only darker corners to hide in and more places to run.

As their words are reiterated until the sun rises and your ears bleed, you realize their echoed words don’t make you feel any safer or placed. You feel as if the well of self-protection and denial you have created gets deeper and deeper until a small sliver of light can be seen from the surface and life is going on without you. 

The obsession to comprehend and justify seems to be eternal and the things you thought you knew about love and the future are lost to confusion.  Sadly, the vapor of excuses that hovers over your wisdom has hindered your ability to decipher the truth in a vain attempt to look less foolish then what your actions have  painted in the canvassed view of the ones you love.  Ironically, your attempts to look less foolish put you on the pedestal of the kingdom of jesters.   

When will your eyes ever see all the damage caused by you protecting the very thing you were petrified to lose in the first place; love, happiness and a future? If you did see the carnage of what your diffidence has left behind to the masses, would you be resilient enough to pick up the pieces and build confidence again?

Yes, we are only human, but when will the rocky seas subside and drift you calmly upon the water of self-assuredness and harmony in love? Could the dark, painful reality of your uncertainty ever give way to the lighted path of trust that will lead you to the magical place of togetherness?

Could it be, the sun has peeked behind the clouds and shined its rays of warm light for the first time onto your weaknesses?   Or have your weaknesses been there all along and you were the only one blind to them??

Will you ever know sanctuary of a honest love and glide onto something worth embracing?  Yes, self-awareness is on the horizon. You just have to be brave enough to encirclement it.

Author's Note

This is for a contest and the hightlighted words are words that must be incorporated into this piece. Sorry for the interrupted flow.

Reviews

[Kevin McKenna]

I really dig that opening paragraph! Or, well, the opening sentence of the first paragraph to be wonderfully specific. Actually, I generally like the opening sentences of all paragraphs. Wonderful directness and reaching out for the reader. Intentions seem to be clearly stated and pretty marvelous. And yupp, dig it all.