Doubt

First poem of many to be soon added into a book of poems called who cares

A shadow given to us at birth 

screaming at us not to try

for what if we fail?

We are not like the others

we are not special 

we are just us.

This curse born unto us 

worse than any demon 

any plague.

For you can never run far 

or lie to them

as they are the voices

Of your head.

Reviews

[JayG]

• A shadow given to us at birth

I’m certain this has specific meaning for you. But the reader, lacking context, can take this two ways. First, is to ask, “What's, a shadow given at birth?” Or, they'll expect you to continue the thought and clarify in the next line. But neither apply.

My point is that a reader needs context as-they-read, because you cannot retroactively remove confusion.

• screaming at us not to try

So a shadow...screams? And not to try what? If you mean that we’re inherently being told by our mind not to try new things, you need to speak for yourself. Selfish people never have that doubt. Nor do politicians. Successful people also don’t have that. Engineering type minds? They don’t have that. In fact, were that true, the old adage, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again,” would read, “If at first you don’t succeed, give up.”

• for what if we fail?

Aside from needing a comma, you’re projecting your own attitudes on others. There are lots and lots of people who see adversity as a challenge.

The thing is, you, the narrator, are talking TO the reader about your personal demons. But do readers come to poetry to learn more about the poet and how they feel? Hell no. They expect you to entertain them by providing an interesting emotional experience. They want you to make them say, “Wow, I wish I could put it that well.” Or, be moved by your words to the point where they weep, or laugh, or feel romantic, or.... They want you to make THEM care and feel, not know. If you talk about you, it’s a report, not a poem—unless you pull the reader in and make it interesting for the reader, emotionally. And doing that is a learned skill

The techniques of poetry have been under development for centuries, and we literally learn none of them in our schooldays, because the goal is to give us skills that employers value. And how many employers are willing to pay us to write poetry? Except for greeting card companies, damn few. And even the greeting card people shy away from “Woe is me.”

Yes, I know you want to write a book of poems. But how often have you bought a book of poetry that was the author talking about themself, their life, and what matters to them? That will tell you the size of the market.

My point? The greatest cure for uncertainty is knowledge. It's the unknown that frightens us. So cheat, and steal the experience and knowledge of others. After all, as Wilson Mizner observed, “If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.” And isn't learning the tricks that the pros take for granted research? To quote another writer, Ernest Hemingway, “It’s none of their business that you have to learn how to write. Let them think you were born that way.”

Remember, the reader gives us their time, and perhaps, money. So in return, we must offer that reader what pleases them. So, spending time learning the basics is well worth the effort. And for an excellent place to begin, Mary Oliver is a truly brilliant lady, and her, “A Poetry Handbook is something every poet should read.

As an example, I was impressed when she explained why someone who's upset shouts, “Oh S**t!” not the more gentle sounding, “Oh feces!” Though in fairness: she didn’t use those words in her examples, just the reason for using one over the other.

And that book can be downloaded in PDF format, here:
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

Try a few chapters. I’m betting that she’ll hook you, too.

[Lonicera]

Thank you Jay for correcting my techniques I take it as a compliment to preserved potential ill read this along with your other suggestions after work today.

[Lonicera]

Oh and the shadow is a reference to the inner voice we all have. If found many people try to run away from these inner feelings than admitting we all have them hence why I listed failure as my personal studies and conversations have shown that is a common internal thought that people have when trying something new or chasing their dreams.

[JayG]

• Oh and the shadow is a reference to the inner voice we all have.

And when you read, because you have intent guiding you, it works perfectly. It also gives context as you read the line. But our intent never makes it to the page. The reader has only what the words suggest, based on their life experience, plus what context you provide.

That's why we must always edit from the seat of the reader, taking only the meaning that the reader will get.

It's also why, instead of talking TO the reader, which is a nonfiction technique, fact-based and author-centric, we need to make the reader react to the words, emotionally.

One thing that might help is to have the computer read the words to you. That will tell you how much of your understanding/reaction is based on how you perform when reading and how much is inherent to the wording. It's a powerful editing tool that will also help highlight awkward phrasing and misplaced punctuation. It's my second to last edit before I release a novel, and I find it invaluable.

[Lonicera]

will do and I read tips from the book you provided I liked her use of Robert frost explaining how to write to make the reader feel apart of the story rather than just reading it as a statement.

[Ken e Bujold]

true, we can run from much in life, but never ourselves, great read Lonicera

[Lonicera]

Thank you Ken