Terminal

The patient

lies

upon the bed

in darkness

empty and alone.

 

The nurse is

checking charts

and

will not see

her slowing breaths.

 

Then silence comes

as

heartbeat stops

its work.

Author's Note

I wrote this as an exercise from the book Talking Back to Poems. The poem it "talks back to" is "The Cold Room" by Yvor Winters.
*********************************
I am adding a note - I hope no one interpreted this poem as derogatory toward the nursing profession. My sister was a nurse in the intensive care nursery until her retirement a few years ago, and I know the dedication of most in that noble profession. I know that my sister suffered a terrible loss whenever they lost one of those precious babies. I could not have done it.
When she did retire, it was in large part due to the "clerical" part of her job!
***********************
My thoughts when writing this poem were more about the aloneness of death.

Reviews

[Art Sun]

this is a nice view of those moments between care taker and patient...

[Norma M Sutton]

I like this. And I agree, even if surrounded by family we die alone.

[Ron]

Yes I do like this G.K. Sums up modern hospital and caring institutions a treat. Very penetrating work. Well done!

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Good write, alive one minute gone the next, death can be that quick!

[KAREN]

I think the poem is very good, and sad, I like the flow!
Then silence comes
as
hearbeat stops
its work.
I love that part!

[Ruth]

Poignantly said love and familiar!
Concise and yet deep, saddening and yet a fact!
Great poem love
xx

[Onatah]

Praise: I love it. I am fascinated by the mystery of what comes after life, and how bluntly it seems to be taken from us.

Criticism: The ending seems abrupt and out of place. I suggest rephrasing.

Overall, great work!

[InkSlinger]

I think I have to agree with OT.. definitely not a piece that you could express with a rhyming scheme. Sometimes the most difficult sentiments are written with the simplest words, structure or meter.. Well done conveying your thoughts..

[Robin]

written with somber poetic grace

[E.H. Monroe]

I've known a few nurses in my time and unfortunately, this is the reality of the life. The sting of death on a watch never goes away, because..well, they're not heartless monsters.
But when you deal in death, it does become part of the job like coffee breaks, watercooler antics and paperwork f**k ups.
I like how it can be read as the heartbeat stops its work"
or the heart beats stops. It's work" even with the playing of punctuation, its still an interesting dual reading.

Another Instant winner by the GKB train