Chella Memorex

About Chella!

                       

           Chapter 1

Why am I here? Why did this happen to me? Did I deserve this pain? A punishment so harsh, that you wouldn’t even curse onto your worst enemy. Can anybody hear me?

            As all these thought pondered through my head I knew that at that instant I was going to die.

            But luckily, I’m still ALIVE! (I thought to myself sarcastically.)

My name is Chella Memorex. I am 16 years old, in the 10^th grade. Lady Gaga is my inspiration and Megan Fox is my lesbian lover. Music keeps me going through the day and writing is my passion. These are the things that keep my sane. I mean if I didn’t have any of these things I would be lost. I’d be lost like a big fish in the big blue ocean. (Cheesy analogy, I know, but you’re going to have to get use to it.)

            I’m what you would call the “average teenage girl” except for the fact that I’m living with a disease. The name of the disease is called Chrohn’s disease. It’s a disease that I’ve had for the past 3 years and now it’s severe. What it entitles is that I randomly feel sick and off I go. I either have to go number 2 or vomit. Yeah, it’s not fun but I deal with it. I’ve been through 3 colonoscopies, 14 pills a day, and 4 doctors and surprisingly I’m still ALIVE! This disease affects everything I do. Home, Church, and most importantly school.

            I’m a student at FairOak High School. The best school in the World. (If I couldn’t say it more sarcastically.) I’m in the Business and Marketing Academy though I want to be a writer. My mom wants me to work towards a more “productive” goal. (Whatever that means.) I write everyday. It’s what gets me through the pain. So my plan is to get into the business world and that will help guide me through the Writing Industry. Where I dream to be! It means everything to me! Words can’t even explain!

            But the last possible thing about my life that I absolutely dread is…. The fact I live with my arch-enemy. “My Stepfather.”  He’s a low-life drunk who is living off his month to month government check. He isn’t sober half the time and that means Mom can’t even have a smart, intellectual conversation with him. He’s the type of man that you pray to God every night that your daughter doesn’t marry. Mom’s time consists of talking about him and reading her “Daily Bread.” Being a complete hyprocrite while living with this low-life man. I actually think he’s retarded. She knocked at his door all last summer begging and pleading for him to come live with her. She bought him clothing, feed him, provided beer, and was willing to take him in. I mean id I was a “retard”. I would come live with her, too. She’s providing him with the necessities of life and wants that get him high. Who wouldn’t stay?

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems.. Tell me what you think please ;)
Continue or no?

Reviews

[Domenic Luciani]

Its honestly a bit dull.. it pains me to say it, but it is. The ending needs complete revamping, the stuff thats in paranthesis isn't necessary and distracts from the read. I'm really not sure where the story is headed, I cant exactly say right now whether it is worthy of adding more. The character could use a lot more depth, I feel like I dont know her at all aside from random, unimportant things.
This story is relatively short, so going over the grammar wouldnt be that hard.. but as you wish, I will not point out any specific mistakes.
keep going, but seriously consider where you're headed with the story..

[H-Jonesy]

hmmmm this is really a entire book crammed into one chapter. first you should explain the chariter more, what she looks like,her attitude etc...but do it in a flowing manor. seconed, i saw lots of grammer and spelling buuuut i sukc at both so im not gana go off and corect ya. ummm theres no action in this, no her talking to some one, walking anyhting like that. its all an explonation really.

I have no clue if you should continue, if you do you need to add more substanance to your chariters. if u do that than yes continue

[Dom]

Good story so far. Like the other reviewers said, there are a few typos( I know you said ignore them, but its hard to.) You should continue to write more chapters. I look forward to seeing what happens in all the characters lives.

Personal novel? I like it a lot.

[jeff hackworth]

is this a personal novel? if it is great job

[E. R. Rawding]

so far this seems interesting, but it's hard to know whether or not you should continue based on what you have so far

my advice is that if you have a good plan for the characters, continue, if not, don't :)

[Holly-Marie]

I'm ignoring your grammar problems as you asked, they can be ignored while you sort your basic story out then you can go back to them after, I understand where you're coming from with that. (And really if it's in your authors note other people should respect that) It's a good write and unique. A member of my family has that disease and I think you handled the topic really well.

[~AmateurWriter]

You have a lot of grammatical errors and, like the last reviewer said, they shouldn't be ignored. After all, your trying to be a writer. PROOF-READ! The plot seems good but this whole first chapter is sort of an explanation. If i were you, I'd try and have these details and things about the girl flow naturally throughout the story when the time comes. Maybe you like the way it is, so keep that. Whichever. But the grammar needs work. Hope this helped a little. Everything Gabriella Stalker (reviewer before me) said was good too.

[Gabriella]

I don't ignore grammar problems because writers have to know grammar in order to be writers. I don't think you have any, but I did notice what I believe to be typos.

"As all these thought pondered through"
need plural for thought

"...you’re going to have to get use to it."
get USED to it

"My mom wants me to work towards a more “productive” goal. (Whatever that means.)"
Better rewrite: My mom wants me to work towards a more productive goal, whatever that means.

"I’ve been through 3 colonoscopies, 14 pills a day, and 4 doctors"
With small numbers, you write them out, not use numerals.

"I mean id I was a “retard”."
What?

"But the last possible thing about my life that I absolutely dread is…. The fact I live with my arch-enemy. “My Stepfather.”"
This is awkward. Something like, "What I most dread about my day to day living is my arch-enemy - my stepfather."

Your chapter isn't really the best start for a novel. It's all tell and no show. In fact, there isn't any action at all. Exposition generally doesn't work like this, just the telling of one fact after another. It should come out naturally in the course of the story. Don't call your main character an average teenage girl, it's almost insulting to her, and it's actually hard to determine what "average" is. Your readers may have a completely different idea of that than you do. Also, the name. I assume you chose her last name when you were looking at a CD or some other electronic device. I would pick something else because that's a brand name, not really a surname as far as I know.

So should you continue? I have no idea, because there's no plot here, just three characters. My advice to you would be to rewrite this by having your characters actually do something. Walking through the doors of Fair Oak High School, sitting in business accounting class writing a draft of a short story instead of paying attention. Coming home to find mom praying and stepfather on his third beer. Escaping to go type up that short story while listening to Lady Gaga and then lying down at night and the poster of Megan Fox above her bed being the last thing she sees before she falls asleep.

Hope you didn't think I was mean with this, just trying to be constructive. You should be glad, most people don't give reviews as long as this.

[Lilith]

Ah, that disease must suck. And the stepfather thing must too!
Good write :]