Why am
I here? Why did this happen to me? Did I deserve this pain? A punishment so
harsh, that you wouldn’t even curse onto your worst enemy. Can anybody hear me?
As all these thought pondered through my head I knew that
at that instant I was going to die.
But luckily, I’m still ALIVE! (I thought to myself
sarcastically.)
My name is Chella Memorex. I
am 16 years old, in the 10th grade. Lady Gaga is my inspiration and
Megan Fox is my lesbian lover. Music keeps me going through the day and writing
is my passion. These are the things that keep my sane. I mean if I didn’t have
any of these things I would be lost. I’d be lost like a big fish in the big
blue ocean. (Cheesy analogy, I know, but you’re going to have to get use to
it.)
I’m what you would call the “average teenage girl” except
for the fact that I’m living with a disease. The name of the disease is called
Chrohn’s disease. It’s a disease that I’ve had for the past 3 years and now it’s
severe. What it entitles is that I randomly feel sick and off I go. I either
have to go number 2 or vomit. Yeah, it’s not fun but I deal with it. I’ve been
through 3 colonoscopies, 14 pills a day, and 4 doctors and surprisingly I’m
still ALIVE! This disease affects everything I do. Home, Church, and most
importantly school.
I’m a student at FairOak High School. The best school in
the World. (If I couldn’t say it more sarcastically.) I’m in the Business and
Marketing Academy though I want to be a writer. My mom wants me to work towards
a more “productive” goal. (Whatever that means.) I write everyday. It’s what
gets me through the pain. So my plan is to get into the business world and that
will help guide me through the Writing Industry. Where I dream to be! It means
everything to me! Words can’t even explain!
But the last possible thing about my life that I absolutely
dread is…. The fact I live with my arch-enemy. “My Stepfather.” He’s a low-life drunk who is living off his
month to month government check. He isn’t sober half the time and that means
Mom can’t even have a smart, intellectual conversation with him. He’s the type
of man that you pray to God every night that your daughter doesn’t marry. Mom’s
time consists of talking about him and reading her “Daily Bread.” Being a
complete hyprocrite while living with this low-life man. I actually think he’s
retarded. She knocked at his door all last summer begging and pleading for him
to come live with her. She bought him clothing, feed him, provided beer, and
was willing to take him in. I mean id I was a “retard”. I would come live with
her, too. She’s providing him with the necessities of life and wants that get
him high. Who wouldn’t stay?
Good write, you made it so very personal and familiar, like I could get to know the main character personally. I would say continue, but don't leave out the vital details an descriptions of your characters. I'll be reading it.
An honest, simple beginning, examining the trials and tribulations of a health and home-challenged teen-aged girl.
Sure, keep at it, and see what inner strength unfolds for this Chella.
Your text is pretty clean, but I did notice that Crohn's disease is correct spelling, minus your extra h.
Chella will need to find specific inner structures and insights that give her strength. That is particularly of the essence for a writer of any caliber, so don't have her rely too much on existing institutions for her grit and grace.
Sound like it could be interesting- personally, I wouldn't add in the parentheses. She's already talking personally, and her thoughts are already expressed. They're kind of redundant. Great job overall!
This sounds like a true story. The details are wonderful but I would love to know more about what the mother looks like and what the disease does. How it affect the narrator at school. The story line is a great one.
Oh so interesting. I really like this story. and you should definetly continue on with it but try to make it a little less confusing. It was off beat in the flow and it had some strange wordings in it but otherwise very nicely done.
I have made it through outstanding circumstances. I live life day to day and with God I know all things are possible. =) Writing is what gets me through my day and without that or music I don't know w.. more..