When Old Age Knocks- HIDE!

*from the book "Even God Hates Spinach"

I decided a long time ago when the time came, I would refuse to enter my twilight years with any sort of dignity and grace. If I had to go in, I would go in kicking and screaming all the way. Now I just wanna be CARRIED! It’s not that I’ve given up on my youth, it’s just that I’ve become more comfortable in my middle age. It’s the little things like talking to myself that bring me the most pleasure. I rather enjoy talking to myself in the mornings. I’ve found I’m a pretty interesting person but I just never gave myself a chance to listen to me! 

Oh I suppose the hardest things about aging are the physical changes we all must endure. I remember as a young girl, the vanity we put ourselves through spending hours primping, preening and shaving. Today I don’t see the need to shave anything above my ankles which is just as well because my TOES seem to need it the most. As for my eyebrows, I don’t even know what happened here. They have all but vanished. I try drawing them on like some of the trendy teenagers seem to be doing, but my hands shake so badly they look like they’ve been applied with a jackhammer! 

When I part my hair, my comb tends to find an even BIGGER part on the other side. In order to be freed from the ever dreaded ‘comb over’, I must pull my hair back into a sporty ponytail. The only thing about that is one has to literally stand behind me to see that I indeed have hair. 

Perhaps the hardest reality check was that I kept thinking these lines and wrinkles were just due to me sleeping on my face all night and that they’d dissipate as the day wore on. Unfortunately, that was in March " it’s now November.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Mika Franolich]

I have yet to experience the frustrations of old age and am nowhere near it, being only 20, but the satirical way in which you addressed the issue had me grasping my stomach! This was hilarious from start to finish. Forget writing, you should consider stand up comedy! ^.^

[Mari' Emeraude]

Lol thank you for the kind compliments. I loved Erma Bombeck and I I know you were too young to remember her but your older relatives might?? She wrote a lot of humorous columns. That's who I modeled my humorous books after

[Onlyme]

Great sense of humour inside your story about growing old. That comes to us all.

[Mari' Emeraude]

Thank you! I guess we need to laugh at it or we'll cry!

[Onlyme]

exactly. But growning gives wisdom and knowledge we never had when young. wink.

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Mari... if we have a sense of humor, it definitely helps. Babies are so cute and are born with adorable wrinkles in the right places.
If inly a smile were not topped with wrinkles as we age. I do believe that contentment does show in our countenance. “Let not your heart be troubled”. Amen ... truly, Pat

[Mari' Emeraude]

Thank you for taking the time to read and I agree. A sense of humor can be the life saver in so many situations.

[Chris Shaw]

It sort of creeps up on you doesn't it? You aren't alone and everybody, unless they drop dead before that stage is going to get there as well. I am far more natural in older age, the makeup and painted nails are no longer an essential requirement. More, a once in a while which surprises everyone, including my husband. Look at Nan I hear, or there's life in the old girl yet. I have come to love my lines, they are proof that I have lived and loved. I am content on the inside, which makes me ok with all the other crap that can creep up on you. Enjoyed your writing.

[Mari' Emeraude]

Thank you Christine

[00000000000000000000000..]

Would you get upset with a reader if they were laughing? I mean I don't mean to but I get the feeling in myself but I have a bad back and deal with diverticulosis. I know I can't do as I use too and that ticks me off. I do however go to the gym 2 times every week. I know things are easy for some to escape but I am hard headed. I remember the day's id go get a whole full-size truckload of oak and be able to bust all and stack up before dark well now takes me 2 days! I started working under the table when I was 13 until the days of real age came I welcome myself to the world nothing changed just benefits and better pay but that end when the ole back turned to what feels like a leaf spring that broke in half ohhhh well sorta like the movie lethal weapon where they got to the last movie and Rigs realized he was too old for that stuff lol
Idk hard for me to accept what is. I can deal with white and gray hair but the rest idk.

[Mari' Emeraude]

I'm afraid if we weren't able to laugh we'd probably cry! :D

[0000000000000000000000000000]

I hear ya loud and clear on that:) But it is way better to laugh so hard that you cry it is a way better feeling:)