A FORGOTTEN SIN

Walking away is never easy but selfishness is sometimes that can lead you to a solaceful place which every man strives for but the question is if you can walk away when your promises burn before you.

-- POEM �"

FORGOTTEN SIN

 

I started walking to the end,

Left my town without a friend,

Chanting ladies with the dread,

I crossed the border without being red…

 

Bloody streams as rain pours on me,

Wipes off the dirt to set me free,

I heard them calling..calling my name,

To get them their lives and help them flee…

 

I kept walking being pretentious,

I left it behind without getting anxious…

 

It was my traitorous will,

And it became my Forgotten Sin,

It became my Forgotten Sin…

 

I wished for a future that is green,

Solace in my castle that can’t be seen,

I hate that softness in my eyes,

A belief of hope in those sound of cries …

 

What is that keeps me going,

Is that selfishness that helps me flowing…

 

I let my pride sunken with ship,

With the vow that I rip…

Which became my Forgotten Sin,

It became my Forgotten Sin,

It became my Forgotten Sin…

THE END

Written By-

Gaurav Walia

Author's Note

This is my first poem ever written.I am still working on my working rhyming issues so please be nice..

Thank you

Reviews

[John Lauterbach]

I like the rhymes and the content is interesting/relevant to the times. The repetition and "the end" tag didn't feel necessary to me, but those are personal preferences.

There are a bunch of parts that sound awkward; "the dread", "get them their lives", "those sound of cries", "helps me flowing" and "I let my pride sunken with ship." Some I see is to accommodate rhyming, but others need a rework. Give it a good edit, and I think it will be a solid piece.

[Gaurav Walia]

Thanks man..i'll definetely work on it...

[char]

Cool. The rhyme scheme is good and I like the repitition. But the "The End" tag at, well, the end, doesn't need to be there. I like this :)

[Gaurav Walia]

Thanks Anna L...i'll keep ur suggestion in my mind from nxt time... :D

[Just Kim]

Now I love this piece, this is wonderful.
love the rhyme scheme and flow.
Wonderful write!

[Gaurav Walia]

Thank you so much i really appreciate it.. :)

[Just Kim]

no problem