Journey to the Center of a Waffle

What they don't want to tell you.

Millions of years from now, water will have eroded away all traces of human civilization. The only thing we’ll have to show for our existence are some satellites floating around, our footprints on the moon, and lunar television. I look up at the moon, the bright and organic child it once was, now a technologically engineered animal of a rock. As a kinder, I watched as the old-school nations like France and Spain gained dominance and pledged for the creation of lunar television. I watched the panels being shipped up in orbit and the construction of “the future” thanks to YouTube on my phone. I take a sip of my orange juice, the official beverage of planet Earth since 3600, and I’m startled when Eugene V. Debs asks if I have change for a dollar. Believing in monetary value still seems very 26^th century to me and I tie my lettuce. I drop a penny that has Lincoln wearing a sombrero on it.

Today is an important day for me and the rest of the humans according to lunar television. I close my eyes and feel empathy for the autotrophs of the planet. History is pure chance and it never seems to turn out how we expect it to. I savor this plastic moment and arrive at Harvard’s research center. A man who seems to be acting deliberately unfriendly acts out scenes from Dante’s Inferno which was released in theaters last month. He spoils the ending for me and miffed, I enter the laboratory.

Like those old Chuck E. Cheese tutorials we had to watch before being allowed to play, they show me a modified safety video. Ironically, the scientist showing me the footage was named Quincy. Quincy, the name of the toddler I knew who loved to push slices of pizza down the slide of Chuck E. Cheese’s until Mrs. Jennings would say “that’s enough, Quincy”. I’m briefed of what’s expected of me and I shimmy into my new elevator-inspired suit. To my surprise, the lab denied my suggestion of embroidering the suit with yellow Chiapets. Melancholy is in the air and Quincy is flossing.

I’m minutes away from my endeavor and realize that I left the water in my tub running. It doesn’t bother me. I’d rather have them run and stay in shape than sit on the couch all day eating Fun Dip. Let the water run, God D****t. I’m told that this’ll be like that one movie Interstellar and time will not be attending the same rodeo to say the least. The Soviets, now stationed in Montana, laugh and sing songs of joy whilst playing ping pong with the Sioux. The Soviets we’re looking at it all wrong, Quincy wasn’t. Humans wanted to venture outwards and see if we could colonize other planets, moons, space saloons. What we needed to do was venture inwards. A bird with a distinctly rounded beak dances tango outside the window. Without warning, gas is released, gears turn, and someone’s Bohemian Rhapsody ringtone goes off.

As if I was shipped to hell in a hand-basket, I remove the wool blanket that’s on top of me and get out of this basket. I look around because I’m here. I’m in the center of a waffle, the first human in the center of a waffle. A wave of emotions go to my head and I feel similar to how I felt when they brought back the show Wheel of Fortune. If this mission goes well, we’ll have the capacity to progress even further as a species. I react to the temperature, chewy but tolerable.

The innards of this wholesome breakfast option appear maze-like and I slip on my saliva. My pencil, the tool for recording my observations lands in what appears to be a chocolate chip as big as a boulder. I break a piece off it and let its crispiness introduce itself with my tongue, who’s shy yet playful. Potato chips always satisfy my sweet tooth’s nephew, savory. The dough shapeshifts and I’m pushed into a new pocket of space. Having left my pencil, I write down what I see with my eyes. Four gentlemen, molds of some sorts. How old is this waffle I wonder? The one on the farthest right gets up and sits back down. I balance on my weaker foot to show that I mean no harm and they understand. The walls shift again.

This piece of matter contains an ocean of maple syrup. It’s the waffle rendition of the El Niño, and it’s washing up baby ants and boxes of Hamburger Helper. Ants and Hamburger Helper are local fauna in this neighborhood, I write down a mental note. The boxes are empty but filled with shame. As if allergic to discovery, the walls move around like young Vietnamese sprouts on an Easter egg hunt.

I count the sheep jumping over a fence. Zero. My eyes wander and I whistle them back. There’s a cottage down yonder and I go check it out. Inside, there’s a granite table with Greek nuances. On it I see an assortment of novels. Some of the titles catch my eye: Soapy is Not an Excuse, Showers are the Sedative of Life, Shampoo and What Not to Do with It. The ground shivers. I adjust the thermostat to 80 degrees and feel proud about it. I look at a poster on the wall and it’s a screen shot of the first scene from the movie Miss Congeniality.

Out of breath, I sit down on the ground and have a picnic with myself. I pretend both Quincy’s I know are there for company. I didn’t pack a lunch and have nothing to eat.

I don’t know the mechanics of how I’m supposed to get back to the motherland but I was told to count to three and tap my heels together. This was a nice place to visit but I don’t believe it’s worth making a permanent trip for. Like magic, smoke appears and I listen to the sound of my earbuds trying to beatbox. The smoke clears out and I’m back home. Confused, it looks as though nothing has happened. I’m still in this waffle. Alarmed, I try the heel trick again and the same thing happens. There must be something wrong with the apple trees I planted in my backyard last spring.

I hear an echo coming from under my feet. I tap the ground with my shoe and it sounds hollow. I dig. I reach the outer layer of the waffle and peak through the space between spaces. I see the outer layer of another waffle. I tumble onto it and tear away at its membrane. With every chunk of waffle I pull off, laughter grows louder. I finally am able to look into it. I see the Earth. I know this because on it, there’s a sign exactly like the HOLLYWOOD sign but it reads EARTH. The land formations look as though they have shifted to resemble Lincoln wearing a sombrero and the laughter continues to exponentially rise. I peer at the moon and look at what’s being televised on lunar television. I’m on the screen and the laughter echoes one final time.

 

 

 

Author's Note

I didn't pack a lunch and have nothing to eat

Reviews

[Gaston Villanueva]

One of my smartest friends sent me this via text message about what she thought of my story. I couldn't resist posting it here to give it the respect it needs. It's another way to look at Journey to the Center of a Waffle.

Well the iceberg method is applicable to anything, I would use the center of the waffle as something symbolic like self realization , with supporting factors "history is pure chance and never seems to turn out how we expect it". The allusion of Dante's Inferno could also act as the speaker trying to get out of a personal hell that they just discovered, but don't want to because they are tied by a certain societal construct. "With every chunk of waffle I pull off", and with every chunk they pull off its another obstacle the speaker is peeling. But in the end, he never gets to the center of the waffle he was expecting. He is on "lunar television" which represents the only thing survived from the "past" which he was trying to rid of.....just a thought. I feel like the fluff is hard to follow but then again I'm no writer. I'm quite terrible. He never gets to the end, because he will always be concerned about what others think about him, because well we all will. It would be a story about how no matter how hard we want to get to that center, it's impossible. We are social creatures that live off of pleasing others. It's the way we succeed in this money crazed world, we need to have that pleasing factor to move FOWARD. "Four gentlemen, molds of some sorts. How old is this waffle I wonder?" I found this quote interesting. Biblically alluded, on the fourth day of creation week God competed the material world. The material world is something we use to show off our wealth or status quo, again relating to conformity and pleasing others. There are also four gospel accounts of Jesus' life and ministry, they each emphasize A unique aspect of his sacrifice. Again, you have to sacrifice self for others. So the speaker thinks, how old is this theory? Have all the past persons had to conform? Or is it just now because of the emphasis on materialistic items. It's pretty much a Materials vs. Self story

[Rana]

Shows such great understanding.

[Chadvonswan]

who wrote that review???

[Gaston Villanueva]

Mimi wrote it haha

[Mirjana Ilic]

Not much I can say, abstract and odd as f**k. Yet it does shed some light on our minds processes and reading your friends interpretation made it even more interesting. Honestly, I'd rather not be on the waffle. Well done :)

[Gaston Villanueva]

Thank you! Your review pretty much sums up everything i wanted the readers to percieve haha
Much appreciated!

[MajorMysterious]

Have you read the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy? It kinda reminds me of this a bit..

..funny as usual, keep up the good work!

[Gaston Villanueva]

I havent but I saw part of the movie haha
Thanks again
So long and thanks for all the fish!

[Miyank]

I think science fiction theme to be used is Virtual Reality.

[Gaston Villanueva]

Thanks for reading!

[Chadvonswan]

I can see this being progressed into a space opera, or a breakfast opera. Journey to the Center of a Waffle - episode 2: The toaster strikes back. This needs to be a show for adult swim, extra syrup on the side. I liked this a lot Gaston. Especially the scene where he recollects Mrs. Jennings. “that’s enough, Quincy”.

[Gaston Villanueva]

I like the way you thinking Max. Toasters are only the beginning haha
Thanks bro

[ZackOfBridge]

Reminds me of your last two stories but its setting in the future give the random bits a whole different meaning. Thousands of years in the future nothing will make sense. Lunar television, awesome. You should submit to 'HoboPancakes'.

[Gaston Villanueva]

Thanks Mr. Puente! And it's always great when you and Max tell me about contests I can submit my work to

[ZackOfBridge]

No problem, and yeah check them out, they're an online humor magazine and I think they pay now

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Grammar.

"Millions of years from now, water will have eroded away all traces of human civilization. The only thing we’ll have to show for our existence are some satellites floating around, our footprints on the moon, and lunar television." - Paragraph needs revising unnecessary use of commas (this is an example, your full stop and commas throughout the piece are inappropriate and ruin the flow a bit which can cut the reader off from the imagery you portray.

"Today is an important day for me and the rest of the humans according to lunar television." - I really like this sentence it shows how the character perceives other people in a tidy fashion.

"plastic moment" - i really do not understand this phrase sorry. Could you maybe expand on the reasons behind the description? Do you mean man made or breakable or colorful?

"I’m minutes away from my endeavor and realize that I left the water in my tub running. " - Sentence structure needs reconsidering.

- The use of references in this piece only make sense to a reader who will have seen the films you are referring to limiting your audience to a select few particularly as some of the references are very new.

"Soapy is Not an Excuse, Showers are the Sedative of Life, Shampoo and What Not to Do with It." - I like the italics but feel this could also be structured more efficiently such as using bullet points or some other way to break up each title, how does the character feel about these titles? The reader cares about the emotion.

" I slip on my saliva." - Fantastic sentence love it!

"Having left my pencil, I write down what I see with my eyes." - Another fantastic sentence no comma needed though!

Overall a great little story I love the idea and the imagery is fun, I would seriously consider editing this piece a few times just to make it flow better the actual content itself is wonderful keep writing :)

[Gaston Villanueva]

Thanks Ally! I enjoyed reading your review and will take it into consideration! I enjoy purposely hindering sentence structure through things like comma splices and incomplete sentences because I like the chaos it adds to the story so I am aware that my grammar is off sometimes haha As far as "the plastic moment", it was meant to be interpreted however you'd like! Anyways, thanks for the support! :)

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Thank you for your response :) it is always nice when someone appreciates and takes criticism constructively and into consideration I understand about controlling a piece with grammar to create a certain feel and it did cross my mind but in honesty it made parts hard for me to actually read though this could be a dyslexic thing! Anyway I enjoyed it keep it up :)