i'm on my way out

waiting patiently for the alarm to go off i cannot help but to absorb all the sights, all the sounds. i cannot help but to feel alone in a place that i call "home". a woman walks past me, but all i see is a body wrapped in cloth waiting to die, a body i've explored many times and a body that has brought me favor and ecstasy many times. i could draw every inch of her from memory. she looks at me and tells me that she loves me and i stare blankly into the past and try to piece everything together. i try to understand why i can only view life through my own eyes. i wait a few seconds and chew on her words "i love you so much, Baron." i dice it up until all the words are colors and until i finally arrive at an image in my mind, the image is: i am her and i am telling myself that i love myself just as deeply as she has come to love me. as the rope holds me tight into the chair i notice that my right hand is purple  and tiny beads of blood silently push through my pores. just then the alarm goes off and i let out a scream as she takes a razor and gently slides it against my throat and suddenly i feel the warmth, and i see the light, i slip in and out of this life that i have come to know so very well. my senses feel alive and my brain cannot keep its composure. i want to confuse, i want to cry, i want to love, i want to cut, i want to be careful, i want to vomit, i want to run out of oxygen, i want to itch, i want to moan, i want to see, i want to stay, i want to ejaculate, i want to passion, i want to touch, i want to hurt, i want to drown, i want to kill, i want to defecate, i want to talk, i want to sex, i want to explore,

i want to

feel

.