Chiaroscuro

Take away my breath And render me helpless in your beauty In your eyes, I see damage I see myself In your heart, I see The darkness and the light Let me absorb the confusion deep within your soul Stay and I’ll give you all my love I’ll give you butterfly kisses ‘til kingdom come We’ll walk home together, hand in hand I will be the guiding light to your destiny, Lending you cleansing rains, Pouring precious, silver mercury upon your head Drip, drip, drip I’m locked away in your soul Drowning in pools of gray uncertainty The light is fleeting, succumbing to the darkness Your lungs are constricted in the shadows of doubt No wonder you’re not breathing Don’t fret—I’ll protect you, I’ll love you Our love will last longer than diamonds This world, colored in shades of gray, Is only a hindrance and will not stop me for long You and I shall overcome and bring in The healing warmth of sun and color We’ll grow, together and intertwined Until the end of time

Reviews

[NightsShade]

I think that this poem has great potenial to be great, but it seems to be missing something, I'm not quite sure what though. I just don't think that your lines transition well into each other, each one seems to be just a little bit abrupt. Your poem was written with a good idea in mind.
Hope I'm helpful...

NightsShade