Waiting for the Sign

(Mixed thoughts and emotions)

.. that says it's alright to venture into a new world.

A want to change, to fly.. But in the want, a need not to want for finespun yellow clouds and a crystallized lollipop moon.  But just being able to visualize it, without seeing it before hand.

Picking & Prodding, STOP.  Allow what will be to f*****g be.  You can't, I can't push or pull my way into making people believe.

If "Kindness has no enemy" then why is it so hard for them to get close?   Why are they so easy to turn on you, or to lie to you so they feel they've said what you wish to hear? Ha! Alarming...

I have to have the sign to convince me to upgrade the level of kindness & compassion that I know.  And to not care to speak but to be disturbingly quiet.  Actions for words.  To trade this "captive feeling" for a free spirit.  It is old, it is solid, but it needs to transform.

"It does no good for the spirit to be selfish or self absorbed." It's much better to teach others to give, or to change into giving.  Some, perhaps, useless to try for.  Be selfish in your own transformation, first... Once you've succeeded,  release the information to all you know.

To leave me with my own self absorption.  Miss it, speak it, take it back, rewind it, relive it.  Circumstance, pathway to personal retrieval, self reliance, the wish to change.  

To Bloom in full spring when spring is still many months away.  But I've got my heart set on becoming something beautiful.