The Fall into Darkness

An old woman's regret to exist without love

The Fall into Darkness

Gabriella Jackson

 

            A walk through the rough terrain, one must think me mad. To walk in this place, this place of torment to my memory; is to walk into my own hell. This place of pain and heartbreak; why did I choose to come back here? Why did I choose to relive my regrets?

Struggling with age and cancer, I walk the lonely path to the only place I ever felt anything. I feel a chill upon me, as if death itself has touched my soul. I look up, what a preposterous thing to do at a time such as this. The ground slips beneath my feet, and I float, slowly, to the hard surface.

            Expecting to hit the ground harshly, I brace my weathered body for the impending impact. But, none comes; I continue to fall. Looking down at this phenomenon, I see only pitch black darkness. As if my walk was a dream. My fall, a slow death brought on by my mind’s eye.

            At times such as these, one must consider the life lived up to this point, when the world seems empty. What life have I left behind? What memories will be cherished at my demise? Am I to be forgotten, like all the simple souls before me? Am I to just accept the new solace that has just befallen me?

            I think not! My life was a battlefield. Blood drawn, mental stability lie at the brink of death, and sorrow arrived at every moment. My spirit fought against all of the treason and torture designed to make me fall. I did not fall! I thrived in the chaos! I survived with more than one could hope for, but at a terrible cost.

            This cost is one of love. I have made many decisions in my life, many decisions that were warned against, even scolded. I did not wish to change them. Yet, even in the deepest part of my agony, in the most open part of my soul, my one regret lay. Like a brand, scarring me all the way to my core, my empty heart burns. Love lost at the cost of greatness, of independence, of freedom, that is no way to live.

            To truly live, one must give in to the exquisite pain of love. All that a person is, all that they will be, it is all empty compared to what they can be with someone who opens the gate to their soul. Such a feeling is reserved for those who seek more than simple riches. Those that seek understanding and compassion with their lovers are truly the richest in this life.

            When two hearts beat as one: that is when one has everything. That is when falling becomes flying, when the darkness becomes a most wonderful light.

Author's Note

I start with what I feel and I make it into something I think people will enjoy. Please do not hold back your opinions. I would like to know how it made you feel.