How to Survive as a Woman in a Man's World

     I’ve been in the work force for 13 years now. My resume starts with a receptionist gig at the age of 14- a receptionist gig at a contracting office- an Air Force contracting office. I worked for the military. From there I went on to cut trails for national parks, which entailed hiking miles and miles with industrial tools on my shoulders and mastering the many uses of a multi-tool pocketknife.

After three summers of carving my mark into mountainsides and sage-infested valleys, and graduating high school, I ran off and became a helicopter mechanic for the U.S. Navy. Bottom line, I know a thing or two about what it’s like to be a lady in a male-dominated work force.

     Before shipping out for boot camp, someone close to me, who also happens to be a Marine, forewarned me that I would be labeled one of three things- three not-so-nice things. Use your imagination. I dealt with this almost accidentally. I reported for duty and always kept my mind on the mission. I wasn’t there to make friends or prove to people I wasn’t something that I’m not but I’m afraid they think I am.

     There’s a reason people say actions speak louder than words. Don’t worry about what your co-workers think of you. Believe me, you don’t want to know what they’re thinking anyway. Focus on your job. Get it done and soon all they’ll be thinking is, “Damn, this girl gets it done.”

    The very first step is to grow some thick skin if you don’t already have it. That’s not to say you have to compromise your morals. Everyone has boundaries and it’s important to make those clear to your male co-workers. I’ll get to those boundaries later.

     Boys like to exploit each other’s weaknesses. And the flipside to the coin of sexual equality is that your weaknesses will be exploited just the same as everyone else’s. How should you handle it? Own your weaknesses. Be proud of them, they make you you. It shows the men you aren’t ashamed and that you don’t take yourself too seriously. What’s my weakness? I’m a neat freak. And I work in a butcher shop.

     Never say, “I can’t.” Can I lift a 50-pound toolbox over my head and onto an engine bay? No, no way. Can I jack-hammer anything? No. Could I always torque a flight control bolt to 400 pounds of pressure? No. But I never said, “I can’t do it.” Instead, I said, “Could someone give me a hand with this?”

     “I can’t” means you won’t. It conveys you’ve given up. Asking for help demonstrates you are committed to the task and that you aren’t too proud. Believe it or not, there will be times when they ask for your help.

     My tiny, womanly hands were the only ones in the shop small enough to fit under the slip-ring of a SH-60 helicopter to fish out some dropped safety wire. Had I not been around, who knows how long those boys would have spent on that task before their sausage fingers went numb.

     Now given certain industries, you may run into men who have never worked side-by-side with a woman before. They’ll be inclined to chivalry and it will make you feel awkward. Go ahead, ask me how I know. Just assertively let them know that if you need help, you’ll ask for it. The important part in this is to ask for help when you need it, because if you don’t, this message will seem arrogant and off-putting.

     Which brings me to my next point: assertiveness. It’s a tricky form to master, but will become your most valuable tool and one you’ll want to keep the sharpest. Be careful with it, too much enunciation and hard glaring can be threatening and yet, if you don’t do enough, you won’t be taken seriously. The best instruction I can give on the technique is to make direct but not forceful eye contact, and deliver your message in a distinct tone that indicates you aren’t joking, but you’re not upset- this time.

     Mastering assertiveness becomes important when making your boundaries known. This is where I’ve seen many women fail. In an effort to maintain harmony, they laugh nervously at cheap shots to their character that obviously violate a boundary. When women do this, men see how far they can go. It’s a slippery slope. Men push and push until eventually they are proverbially walking all over her. Don’t let this happen to you. When a line has been crossed, let it be known as soon as possible, and assertively. Respect starts from within. Have enough self-respect and others will follow suit.

     It might be hard in the beginning. And it might feel hard in moments after you think you got it. Remember similarities. Guys have weaknesses and boundaries, too. They are just as capable of doing everything as you are- that is they aren’t. There will be times when they ask you for help, whether it’s a job-specific skill set or a feminine advantage. This is true diversity in the work force.

     What it all boils down to is self-confidence. Be proud of your strengths, face your shortcomings head-on, and eventually, those boys will regard you as one of the boys.

     Go ahead, ask me how I know.